There's a Villain at the Superhero Table
by queenLiz4
Summary: After Thor 2 Loki has been living on Midgard for a few years messing with The Avengers whenever he gets the chance. After the one time he helps them fight a foe, Loki's lair gets blown up. While he waits for the construction of his new lair to finish, Loki invades The Avenger Tower whether The Avengers want him to or not. Darcy/Loki
1. Chapter 1

The Avengers have had a lot to keep them busy despite the brutal winter that New York has had this past year. It seemed many of their enemies loved the cold weather. The Winter Solider blew up a mall in December for no good reason, at least not one he'd share. Black Dwarf came around in January on behalf of Thanos who seemed to still be really ticked off that Loki, another winter loving villain, hadn't held up his end of the bargain in helping him take over the universe. Crossfire took to robbing banks which ended with Spiderman helping The Avengers lock him up. The Absorbing Man also made an appearance in January, thanks again to Loki, taking on the shape of each of the Avengers to gather intelligence. What Loki planned to do with this intelligence, however, had yet to be seen. Zeke Stane attacked again just two weeks ago, this time Loki helped to capture him but only because his lair was in the destruction path; much to no avail though because his lair was blown up anyway.

Loki, for all his psychotic tendencies, hadn't been as malicious as he'd been two years ago when he first attacked New York. His latest attack was on the salt trucks that were supposed to be dispersed after the storm that dropped a few feet of snow. Though kids all around the tristate area were happy with the week off school, the government wasn't nearly as forgiving as mass transit stopped and money was lost.

This first week of March, however, had been quiet. It is the first day, in a long time, that all the Avengers where in one place, not working, not seeking out the evil doer of the moment, but just relaxing in the Avenger Towers, formally known as Stark Towers.

Instead of sitting in a boardroom being lectured about the latest attack on the world, the Avengers, plus three sat around the dining table for a late brunch. It was nice to talk about things other than work and get to know what was happening in each other's lives. It was what made them friends and not just co-workers.

Darcy sat among them as one of the plus ones, Eric and Jane were the other two, listening to the conversations superheroes had in their off time. Without a villain around, they were actually boring. Thor was making kissy faces at Jane, Barton was trying to act like he wasn't totally into Natasha while Natasha tried to act like Barton wasn't staring opened mouthed at her low cut black top. Tony and Bruce argued about something so scientific it sounded like another language and Eric and Steve chatted about how much better baseball was back when they were kids.

They were so regular.

These extremely boring conversations were the reason why no one noticed when Loki arrived on the scene wearing green pajama pants and a black wife beater and scratching the outer part of his upper thigh. They didn't notice him until he pulled up a chair and started making himself a plate from the food spread out on the table.

They all looked at each other, trying to figure out what was going on while Loki started pouring an unhealthy amount of syrup over everything on his plate. He took a bite of his sausage and looked at the gaping superheroes that had focused all their attention on him.

He smacked his lips annoyingly while chewing surveying the people at the table. "Hello." He said then followed it up with. "Carry on."

No one actually carried on as they all tried to figure out why a villain was eating at the superhero table.

It was Steve who finally found his voice, but instead of saying something cool or even remotely authoritative, he asked a question. "Are we under attack?"

"Yes Steve." Loki answered sarcastically. "I'm attacking you with my bed hair and morning breath. Have I ever attacked anything before noon? No, no I have not, and I don't plan to start now."

"Then," That was Tony. "Why… are you… here?"

Loki took a swig of orange juice that Darcy noticed wasn't his, but his brother's. "My lair blew up remember. I needed a place to go until my next one is ready. Since you menacing heroes are the reasons why I am homeless, the least you could do is put me up for a while. And by the way Stark, you really need to update Jarvis for attacks of magic. I've been here for almost a week."

"Brother," Thor started. "You cannot expect us to…"

"Thor, I don't want listen to any ends of your sentences. I've had a life time of the ends of your sentences and they never make sense. I expect nothing but access to this tower and everything in it."

Tony snorted crossing his arms over his muscular chest. "That's everything Loki."

"Meager, meager, meager." Was Loki's response

Bruce cleared his throat. "Beggers can't be choosers."

Loki opened his mouth to speak but shut again before opening it again. "Bruce, I've told you before, I'll agree to anything you say as long as you don't toss me around again. It took me hours to heal!"

That earned a chuckle from Darcy which got his attention. "Who are you?" He pointed his fork at her. "You don't look like anyone I've ever tried to kill."

"Darcy." Was her quick answer. "And you inadvertently tried to kill me."

"And are you super?" He asked after swallowing a silver dollar pancake.

"Nope. Just an ordinary person." Came her response.

"You can't be just ordinary and sit at this table." Loki told her. "Are you a scientist?"

"Nope."

"Well are you interested in being a villain or a villain's assistant?"

"No she is not." Jane answered for her. "Not at all."

His green eyes squinted into little slits as his attention moved to the other mortal at the table. "When I speak to you Ether I will look at you."

"Brother, do not speak to…"

"Thor!" Loki screamed slapping the table shaking the plates on it. "I do not want to hear the ends of your sentences."

"The beginnings of his sentences are fine?" Tony questioned. "I mean, I know we aren't friends or anything but I'm curious as to why the endings of his sentences bother you."

"Thor has this habit of starting out sounding like he knows what he's talking about but he never pulls through. It's awful."

"Okay!" Darcy spoke above the males at the table trying to get the attention back on her. "Does this villain assistant position come with benefits?"

"Darcy!" Jane replied outraged at her friend's interest in Loki's proposition.

Loki turned his attention back to Darcy. "Benefits?" His eyebrows knit together. "What do you mean?"

"I mean insurance, 401K? I mean I'm sure, as a villain's assistant, I would be in some danger. I mean your lair blew up. Are you offering health insurance?"

"I have healing magic."

"And what do you pay?"

Jane threw her arms up in outrage. "You aren't seriously thinking about joining with him!"

"What?!" Darcy questioned. "I need to keep my options open." She turned to Loki. "So, I wouldn't take less than twenty five an hour, I mean I am a college graduate."

Loki nodded. "I see. And what is degree in? Is it something relevant to villainous pursuits?"

"Political science." Darcy said proudly.

"Okay," Steve interrupted. "That's enough. Loki, you can't stay here."

Loki snorted. "You, of all The Avengers, have the least power to stop me. Besides, it would be morally wrong to leave me homeless. After all I've done for you."

"Do you really think someone would feel sorry for you Loki?" Steve questioned. "You haven't been an angel."

"Tony feels sorry for me. Don't you Tony?" Everyone at the table looked at Tony.

Tony shrugged. "If he's here then he isn't doing villainous things."

Bruce cleared his throat. "Well he is trying to recruit someone, right here. In front of everyone."

Loki grabbed his plate and stood up. "You superheroes are so boring; I'm going back to my room."

Upon Loki's departure, Darcy looked back at the superheroes who sat looking just as dumfounded as they did when Loki first appeared. Is a villain really squatting in the Avenger's Tower? Did he really just invite himself to their brunch and hijacked what was supposed to be a peaceful day?

The silence was deafening until Thor cleared his throat and looked at Jane. "I end my sentences well. Don't I?"


	2. Chapter 2

Loki was an observer. He liked to watch people. He wanted to know what made people tick. It made it easier to mess with them and if need be hurt them. Not that he was inclined to hurt anyone at that moment but he knew his goals changed often and it was always good to be prepared.

Out of all of them, each of those Avenging fools, he liked Barton. Barton was another watcher. True, Natasha had her charms and Loki respected her, but he was found of Barton. It was one of the reasons why he turned him into his minion the first time he came to Midgard. Of course now he realized that you can't actually mind control someone into liking you. Or rather you could, but if they ever got control of their minds again, they'd be really, really mad at you.

Tony was too flashy, Bruce too unpredictable and Thor was his brother and Loki wasn't ready to be friends with him.

The Avenger wives were infinitely more interesting than their significant others. Pepper was a two sided woman. Not two faced, she was honest and sweet, but two sided. That sweetness and kindness could quickly melt away and she'd become a fierce mortal to be reckoned with. He'd heard plenty of arguments between her and Tony and some of the things she said to him made Loki wince.

Ether, or Jane as Thor keeps insisting Loki call her, was intelligent. Loki liked to hear her talk even if he wasn't listening to her words. She wore her emotions on her sleeves. There was no mistaking what she thought. It made her fun.

Then there were the other non-superhero mortals that came around often. Erik was cautious of Loki, which Loki could understand. Truth be told they had very little in common. They were both naturally curious but that was nothing to build a friendship on.

Darcy was probably the most fun. She always had some kind of delicious snack that she was eager to share with him, though the Avengers thought that was a bad idea. "He won't want to leave if you keep feeding him." Steve had said one day when Loki knew he was being particularly annoying to Captin. Loki wanted to laugh as right at this moment his lair was almost built and he was building it right underneath The Avenger Towers. They would be seeing him all the time whether they fed him or not.

There were a few things he noticed about these Avengers. For one thing, they could never agree on anything, not even what food to order. And their personal lives often interfered with their work. Bruce was near useless when he tried to control the Hulk because he had lost control of his anger. That always put them behind.

Tony, when he and Pepper had an argument which was almost all the time lately, made idiotic choices. When Barton and Widow fought with a foe, they were more concerned with having each other's backs than protecting the rest of their team. And Thor, for all his claims of maturing and changing, still liked to fight even in times when fighting would endanger pedestrians.

And they called him a villain.

Not that he cared, of course. The more out of sync they were the better for carrying out his own plans. Not that he had any plans at the moment. He was actually enjoying this time off. Thinking of new ways to annoy humanity was becoming laborious.

Loki headed towards the kitchen to make a sandwich but was surprised to see Pepper there. Usually during the day, the Tower was empty, or at least the common areas were. She looked awful too and smelled like sickness.

"What is wrong with you mortal?" He asked standing by the door way not daring to go any further in the room.

"I'm sick." She answered and punctuated the sentence with an attempted to sniff with her stuffy nose.

"Well, shouldn't you quarantine yourself in your room or something? I hear mortal illness can be very contagious."

"I would, but I want soup and tea." She turned to grab a pot.

"Well don't touch anything." He ordered. "Sit down there at the table. I'll make you something."

Pepper shuffled her way; blankets wrapped around hers, to the kitchen table and pulled up a seat.

"Do they have the flu on Asgard?" She asked as he started putting water in the tea kettle.

"Yes, though we don't call it the flu and I've never had it. Thor had it though and I tell you he complained about it even after he recovered. This is why you should really stay out of common areas."

"You've never had the flu?" The shock in her voice was evident. "Ever?"

"Not in the thousand years I've been alive. I don't get sick."

"You're lucky."

"Yes, instead of a weak immune system I have homicidal tendencies. I've lucked out." He wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or just pitiful. He decided he wanted to be sarcastic.

Curiosity lit up her blue eyes. "You think you're a killer because of your heritage?"

"Oh, I have no doubt. Jotuns kill people all the time. It's a like a world of serial killers."

"Sound's scary." Was her nasally response. "But still, you were raised in Asgard right? Nurture verses nature?"

Loki snorted. "Odin is a serial killer too though he would never admit it. You think I'm quick to murder? Eighty people are nothing compared to his score card."

"I see." She said as he placed a cup of tea on the table before her. "You know, you aren't like other villains. I can't imagine The Goblin or Dr. Doom making me tea."

Loki walked back to the stove and turned the fire on for her soup. "Actually Dr. Doom makes great tea. Not too great with coffee though."

Pepper giggled. "You're funny."

Loki smiled and looked over his shoulder. She had her back towards him sipping on the tea. Quickly, he murmured a spell over her soup before she could notice. He put the enchanted soup into a bowl and walked it over to her. "Here, this should make you feel better."

"Thanks." She said as he slid into the chair next to her. "What are your plans for the day?"

"I have to see to my new lair. After that, I plan to pop in on Darcy. I don't think she realized I was serious about needing an assistant."

"Villainy comes with a lot of paperwork?" She teased.

"Actually yes." Came his answer. "For one, money is always needed to carry things out and it difficult to for someone like me to get money. And further more, a front is needed. Someone no one would expect and is unassuming."

She could see that. "How are you affording your lair?"

"I won the lotto." He admitted

"WHAT!" It came out more like a screech.

"Not the jackpot, but I was able to… guess? The numbers."

A blonde eyebrow rose. "Guess huh?"

He just smiled that evil grin. "Yes. Guess."

He stood up. "Well, I must be going. Feel better Minion of Stark. I'm off to see to my lair."

"Thanks for the soup Loki."

"Don't get used to it. I'm only nice on Tuesdays."

Loki teleported down to his lair. Things were going according to plan. It was a bit difficult finding a construction place that would build an evil lair for a man who had tried to enslave the human race, but King Pin put him on to a place that took cash and wouldn't ask questions.

They were doing a bang up job too.

After checking in on them, he teleported over to Darcy's favorite pizza and bought a pie. One had to know what to bribe people with. Tony liked technology, Jane liked gadgets, Darcy liked food. It was probably why she was so very curvaceous.

And Loki liked curves.

He thought about teleporting into Darcy's kitchen, but after her major freak out last week when he teleported to her bedroom, to find her in nothing but her bra and panties, he decided to knock on her door.

Tasers hurt. A lot.

"Who is it?" Came her response to his knock.

"Your friendly neighborhood villain!" Was his response.

She opened the door with a smile on her face. "Lokes. Lokes and pizza? Awesome!"

He walked in placing the pizza on the kitchen table. "My dearest Darcy! Have you given any thought to my offer?"

She grabbed two plates from her cabinet for the pizza. "You made an offer?"

He took a plate from her and made her a plate. "Indeed I did. I am in need of a partner, or assistant."

She took the plate and watched him serve himself not sure what to say to that. Finally, after he took a seat and pulled her into one she responded. "You were serious?"

"Indeed I was. I mean it takes all of The Avengers to capture me so adding one more person should make it near impossible."

She sighed not sure how to turn down a psychotic god's offer. "Loki, I'm not into hurting people."

"That's perfect! Neither am I… lately."

"I mean it Lokes, you're cool, but I really don't want to go to jail."

He put his pizza down and sat back thinking of something that might change her mind. "I see your point. I've been in jail twice and it really is boring."

"But…" She interjected. "What if I become you assistant but you help The Avengers."

He blinked at her. "Help? The? Avengers?"

"Yeah. I mean, I can help you make right decisions and keep your mischief as mischief instead of villainy."

He shook off the idea. "I have no interest in being a superhero."

"I suppose not. I mean, I read somewhere, that villains are just lazy superheroes anyway."

"Lazy?!" Was his outraged response.

"Yeah. They are too lazy to help people so they bother them instead. I mean Thor is always working and doing things to help and you yourself said you are useless until the afternoon." She almost snickered, so she stuffed a bite of pizza in his mouth.

"I am just as energetic as Thor!" How dare she? He could do whatever Thor could! "If not, more so!"

"Well then prove it! Hire me for twenty five dollars an hour and show the world you are energetic!"

"Done! Be at the Avenger's Tower by noon!"

"Noon! No, heroes get up at 8."

"Then 8! Be there at 8!"

Loki left Darcy's house stomping hard and walking with purpose. Tomorrow everything will be different! Tomorrow he will get up at 8 instead of 11. He would have to go to sleep early so he could be energetic in the morning to do… hero…stuff?

Wait.

Crap!


	3. Chapter 3

Darcy realized as soon as she went into the kitchen of The Avenger's Tower, that Loki was seriously not a morning person.

She came at eight, as she stipulated yesterday, but he wasn't even dressed. He was wearing black pajama pants with little white clouds on them and a white tank while pouring a Red Bull into his iced coffee.

She stood watching him for a few moments trying not to laugh at how utterly awful he looked. His black hair was a mess and he had small bags under his eyes. "Morning Lokes!" She finally said walking into the kitchen and throwing her purse on the table. "Are you ready for some superhero fun?"

"Shut up." Was his frosty reply. "I'm not talking to you."

She smiled brightly as he sipped his over caffeinated coffee. "Actually you are talking to me. Right now. As we speak."

He turned to her, green eyes narrowing with annoyance. "You tricked me."

"I did not!" She was insulted by the very words he spoke. She didn't trick him, not really. "I was very straight forward! It's not my fault you don't pay attention." It's true. It wasn't. Who knew all you had to do to get Loki to do something was tell him Thor did it better. "And you trick everyone!"

He sipped his coffee again, the anger that was once evident in his eyes diminished. "I'm sure there is a valid argument that I can throw at you but I cannot for the life of me think of one. Therefore, I must end this conversation the way I started it. Shut up!"

"Ok, come on we have to start prepping you to be a not so villainous villain!" She grabbed her bag off the table and started to the stairs. "Which way is your room?"

He groaned. "Can't I drink my Red Bull coffee first?"

"Nope, bring it with you. And grab me a coffee too."

He blinked. "Little mortal you are my assistant, I am not yours."

She stopped her journey to his room and spun around slowly. "Rule number one on being a not so villainous villain, you do nice things for people."

He didn't move from his spot, opting instead for staring at her like she was out of her mind.

"Loki, may I have a cup of coffee?"

"Of course you can." He smiled. "As soon as you make it."

She sighed. "Loki, how are you going to get The Avengers to let you into their club if you are a meanie beanie?"

A dark eyebrow rose in offense. "What did you just call me?"

Instead of answering, Darcy asked, "Loki, can I have a cup of coffee?"

Outrage covered his face making him look darker and more intimidating than he did before. "You insult me by calling me a mean bean and then expect me to make you a coffee? You're lucky I don't poison it."

"Loki can I have a cup of coffee?" She asked again refusing to be intimidated by someone who wore cloud pajama pants or held his coffee in a cup that read 'Villains Do It Better".

"Are you seriously just going to keep asking me for a cup of coffee?" He inquired with a voice flat."

"Loki, can I have a cup of coffee?"

He huffed. "Fine! You insufferable little twit!"

She faked an insulted face. "Wow, watch that temper meanie beanie. It's that kind of name calling that makes Natasha want to kill you."

She watched as he angrily made a cup of coffee and trying to hold back her laugh. He was slamming down a mug and actually made it look like the coffee was pouring from the coffee pot indignantly. He was steaming and for some reason, it entertained her.

He stomped over and handed her the coffee. "Are you happy now?"

She shook head refusing the cup of coffee. "Not at all! You didn't ask if I wanted creamer or sugar?" Her intent was to get under his skin, but instead a curious look came over his face.

"I can put sugar in coffee?"

"I wouldn't recommend it if you keep putting Red Bull in your coffee, but yeah. I like two sugars and a lot of creamer."

"This cup of coffee is about as it good as I'm going to get Little Mortal." There was something in his tone, something that said he was no longer fake annoyed, but actually annoyed. She wondered if his annoyance was really about making a cup of coffee for a mortal, or if it was because he had lived as a prince most his life and so he wasn't expected to serve anyone.

She sighed and took the cup. "We'll work on it tomorrow. No come show me where you are staying. We have a lot of work to do."

"What exactly do you have in mind?" His tone lightened, which was a good thing.

Darcy noted how easily his moods changed but said nothing about it. "First thing's first, we need to change your look?"

Loki opened the door to his bed room and closed it behind Darcy. This was not a conversation he wanted any of The Avengers hearing. "What's wrong with how I dress?"

"Nothing, if you want to still be a bad boy." Darcy looked around the room. He hadn't changed anything around the room. It was a sure sign that he had no intention of staying long. "But we're changing your image, so you need to look the part."

Loki gulped his coffee and placed his cup on the table next to the bed. "I'm not wearing tights."

She laughed at the thought. "I wouldn't ask you to. How to you feel about capes?"

Loki threw himself on the bed and groaned. "Darcy, I don't think anyone cares what I have on. Besides, Barton wears all black."

Without thinking she answered. "Barton wasn't always a good guy."

That seemed to catch his interest. "Well, that explains a lot."

"Really? Like what?"

"Like why it was so easy to turn him against SHEILD. Trust me my dear Little Mortal, once a villain, always a villain."

"You will eat those words one day Meanie Beanie. Ok, so you aren't open to putting creamer and sugar in coffee or new clothes. How do you feel about a change in the hair department?"

He rubbed his hands over his eyes making him look like a bratty child. Well, maybe he was. She wasn't exactly sure how Asgardian aging went. "I've always had long hair."

"That's awesome, but you'd look less menacing if you cut it. Maybe chin length. Oh and put it in a ponytail. You'd look hot." Did she say hot?

Loki didn't seem to notice her slip up. "Is this about me looking hot or is this about me being nice?"

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "Have you ever seen an ugly superhero?"

He actually took a moment to think about it. "Fine. Get out so I can get dressed."

"Alright. I'll be in the kitchen adding sugar and cream to this black coffee."

Darcy went back to the kitchen to find Tony and Pepper sitting at the table eating breakfast. "Hey there!" She said. "Just fixing this cup of coffee."

"What are you doing here so early?" Tony asked around a mouthful of French toast. "Besides stealing the coffee."

After adding the cream and sugar she took a gulp of coffee which, thanks to Loki, was now lukewarm. "I'm taking Loki to get a haircut."

Tony and Pepper exchanged glances. "Are you seriously going to be his assistant? I thought that was a joke." Tony started. "I mean, why do villains need assistants?"

"Because, we are awfully busy Stark." Loki joined the conversation. "And stay out of my business. I do what I want." He looked at Darcy. "Come Little Mortal, I cannot stand to be in the presence of these two together. They are so disgustingly in love."

Darcy put down her cup to follow Loki out. There was some truth to his observation, though it was very bluntly put. Pepper and Tony were very much in love and not afraid to show it. It was sweet, in a way that actually made Darcy a little jealous.

"Hey, Harry Potter, wait up." Tony called out.

Loki huffed and turned. "You know I read Harry Potter and I don't need a wand to do magic nor have I ever been to a school of magic. And if I had, I'm pretty sure I would have burned it down for being so ridiculous. Please find something else to call me."

"Now that I know you like it so much, I'll call you that all the time." Tony teased. "But before you go, I want to know what you put in Pepper's soup yesterday."

Darcy looked at Loki. A small twitch took over his left eye. "It was out of a can. Why would I know what's in it? You think I have nothing better to do with my time then read cans of soup?"

"Actually, I don't think you have anything better to do, but that's not the point. She was really sick and the doctor said it would be a few days before she'd be any better. Then she eats some Soup A La Loki and she's suddenly cured."

The twitch was growing., moving down the left side of his face. "What exactly are you accusing me of?"

Tony crossed his arms over his chest. "We're accusing you of putting some magic mojo in the soup."

"Magic mojo? Where do you mortals get these strange sayings from. Are they in a book? Stupid Things for Mortals Say to Immortals That Can Turn You Into an Eight Legged Horse? And besides, do you really think I'd care that much for a mortal? I would never waste any of my healing magic on a mortal. Especially a blond one. I detest blondes."

Stark looked at Pepper, then at Darcy, back to Pepper and then to Loki. "OMG, you totally cured Pepper."

The twitch was in full affect now. His lips were curving up making him look like he was in physical pain. "I will not stand here and have letters thrown at me. If you are going to speak to me Metal Mortal the least you can do is make words. OMG is not a word! And you cannot prove that I cured your minion."

Darcy laughed hard at his twisted, pained expression and the utter offense that he took from Tony's words "You cured Pepper? Without any gain to yourself? Wait, are you already as superhero?"

Loki reddened horribly. "I am not now nor will I ever be a superhero. I. am. A. villain."

Pepper, who had remained passive during this conversation, hid her smile behind her cup of juice while she added. "Except on Tuesdays."


	4. Chapter 4

Unbeta'd and I've been on the computer writing and doing homework so my eyes are going buggy so this might not be as grammatically correct as it could be.

This has some Avenger spoilers.

There is character development!

Loki felt better after the haircut, but he wasn't about to admit that to Darcy who was actually brushing his hair into a ponytail.

Since neither of them had breakfast, they went to a diner first as they waited for the hair salon to open. There were a few things Loki learned about her in the time they spent eating talking. For one, Darcy liked electronics. Her phone was always near and rang often with text messages and notifications from Hay Day which was a game that required that he stay completely quiet while she played.

Then there was the constant chatter that never ceased, unless Hay Day was being enjoyed. She seemed to say whatever came into her head at any given moment even if it wasn't remotely relevant or appropriate. Her lack of decorum intrigued him more than he was willing to say.

He also noted that she was right about the sugar in the coffee and she liked meat it seemed, as she ate both bacon and sausages with her eggs scrambled.

Once they were done there they went to the hair salon where Darcy sat next to him giving instructions to the stylist on what needed to be done and how. It seemed his input was not needed or even wanted because when he went to protest about the length they were going to cut it, booth the stylist and Darcy shushed him.

Silly mortals. Didn't they know he could crush them if he wanted to? He could enslave everyone in this salon and turn them into toads for such blatant disrespect!

He didn't though. His coffee was wearing off.

That led them back to his room in the Avenger Towers with him sitting on a chair and Darcy brushing his hair out of his face. She had a determined look on her face as she pulled his hair through what she called a scrunchy but in Asgard it was referred to as a hair tie.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He very closely resembled the boy he was before he found out his heritage, maybe a little older and defiantly not as scrawny. In most ways he looked better than he had. He liked the mature look in his eyes, even if they no longer appeared to be innocent.

"See!" She took a step back to admire her handy work. "You look a zillion times better! Now come on. We're going to continue your lessons.

Loki glanced at time shinning on the cable box in his room. "Little Mortal it is already after noon. Can't we just call it a day?"

"Absolutely not!" She grabbed his thin fingers and pulled him out of the chair. "Come on it's the first day and you haven't actually done one good thing yet."

He pulled his hands from her warm grip. "I got you coffee."

"That totally doesn't count." She went to grab him again but he swayed out of the way.

"Of course it counts!" Loki said dodging her attempts to grip him. "Who said it can't count?"

Exasperated but determined to catch his arm to force him out of the room, she answered . "The Book of Darcy."

"That's not even a thing. You're making things up." She was fast for a little mortal but he always found a way to evade her.

"Says the man who is known for being a liar." She was getting frustrated, he could tell by the look of annoyance on her face and the tone in her voice. Was it wrong that it delighted him so?

"And yet, in the whole five hours we've been together, I haven't lied to you once." It was like a dance. She would step in with her right foot; he would step out with his left. Loki liked to dance so he grabbed her and twirled her around.

"Oh my!" She squealed as he effortlessly moved her any way he wanted. "That's a lie right there. You totally lied about curing Pepper."

He smiled, almost proudly releasing her from his grip and ending the dance. "Oh yes, I did."

"You are such a freak." She said breathlessly and a bit confused by impromptu dance.

He crossed his arms over his chest now bored. "So what am I to do for the rest of the afternoon then?"

"You are helping Stark magic proof Jarvis." She told him. "Tony specifically asked for your help."

"Oh, not Stark! I am not in the mood for his foolishness." He turned to sit back in the chair.

"Ok, then we can help Thor and Jane decorate…"

He turned sharply offering his hand to her. "Ok fine! Stark it is!"

She led him out of his room and to Stark's work area and he tried not to think about how long it had been since someone willing touch him. Well, touched him without the intent to kill or imprison him. "You know it would be easier if you just agree with everything I say."

Loki snorted. "Women, no matter the realm, always think they are right and men, no matter the realm refuse to admit it."

"Amen to that!" Tony replied looking at the pair as they entered his private area. "You ready to work Harry Potter?"

Loki huffed and looked at Darcy with annoyed already. "SEE!"

She smiled and sat in a chair in the corner. "You kind of deserve it. Now go, be helpful."

Loki was anything but. Though he was not actually hindering Tony from working, he was being rather difficult about everything the Metal Mortal asked of him. He pulled up a chair next to Stark and blasted magic when he was told to, never using the same magic twice in a row, but made sure he looked as disinterested as possible resting his chin in his hands.

He listened as Darcy and Stark talked about the latest Avenger gossip. It never ceased to amaze him how supposedly intelligent people wasted their time chattering about nonsense that no one cared about. He was way too smart for that. So he wasn't actually listening when he overheard that Barton was jealous of Window's relationship with Bruce and that Thor and Jane couldn't agree on a color scheme for their kitchen. He wasn't listening at all because it was all so stupid.

But if he was going to get into the conversation he would be sure to say that he was disappointed in how long it was taking Barton to claim the female spider. It was all he talked about when he was his minion. "Natasha and I went here…." "Natasha likes this…" "Natasha, Natasha, Natasha." All Loki wanted to know was the workings of SHEILD not how Natasha ate her pizza from the crust up or that she had to go to the dentist for a chipped tooth.

And why in the Nine Realms would Jane ask for Thor's input on color. Thor had no fashion sense. He was such a typical male. It made him boring and border line useless.

Loki was so busy thinking about that useless nonsense that he almost missed it when Stark called to him. "Potter," Loki glanced at Stark. "Come hold this."

Loki lethargically stomped his feet to where Stark wanted him and held what he was told to.

Stark glanced up at Loki before looking at Jarvis's controls before looking back up at Loki. Something on Loki's face seemed to capture his attention as he moved close in inspect it.

Out of instinct, Loki moved back. "Stark, please don't tell me you want to kiss me. I'm not an easy conquest you must buy me dinner first."

Darcy laughed, but Stark didn't. "You're eyes are green."

"Yes. Thank you for noticing."

Tony moved back out of Loki's personal space before eyeing him cautiously. "When you threw me out the window they were blue."

Loki blinked not in any ready prepared to answer questions about his failed attempt to rule the world or the events that led up to it. "Seriously Stark you need a new hobby if you take note of my eye color."

Tony's dark eyebrow rose. "And that Potter, is called deflection."

And so what if it was? "This is the second time today that you are accusing me of something ridiculous."

"And it's the second time it seems you aren't as bad as you think you are."

Loki turned sharply to Darcy "I'm going to lunch." He vanished then, without so much as a good bye leaving Darcy and Stark looking at each other.

000

Darcy decided it was time for her to take a lunch break too. She Tony and walked to the community kitchen where Thor, Barton and Widow were eating pizza. Darcy took a seat next to Natasha and grabbed a sausage slice. "How's it going?" She asked no one in particular.

It was Thor who answered. "I'm vexed. Jane keeps asking me which color schemes I liked so I told her they are all nice and she got mad."

"That's funny," Tony sat at the table but snubbed the pizza. "Your brother was just here talking about his woman problems."

Darcy's eyes opened wide realizing that Tony was referring to her as Loki's woman. Because that would be impossible. Loki was a prince, though a banished one, and was totally out of her league.

"Loki is here!" Thor visibly perked up.

Grateful that no one was going to comment on Loki's woman problems, Darcy answered. "Nah, he left a moment ago."

"Oh." Thor visibly deflated.

"But speaking of which," Tony started. "Did you guys know his eyes are green?"

Thor nodded. "Of course I did. I've been looking at him for a thousand years."

Tony smiled politely. "That wasn't really directed towards you… but… good for you."

"Why would we care?" Natasha asked.

"Because I'm pretty sure his eyes were blue when he tried to take over the world."

It took a moment for that to sink in but when it did, it was Barton who responded. "Blue? My eyes changed colors as well."

Darcy looked around the table wondering if anyone felt as lost as she did. Apparently this was something only those in New York could understand. "Can someone explain to me what's happening because I don't get it?"

"Lady Darcy," Thor answered her. "All of those influenced by the scepter had their eyes changed to blue. If his eyes were blue then perhaps he too was influenced."

"Why wouldn't he say something though?" Natasha questioned. "I mean, didn't he have a trial in Asgard?"

"Well no," Thor admitted slowly and Darcy noticed the very sad look Thor gave his pizza.

"He did look sick when he first arrived." Barton stated. "Could it be that he was just a pawn?"

"And if so," Natasha continued. "Should we be worried that something is strong enough to control a god?"

There was no time to respond to that question because Loki came waltzing in, looking very contented with himself, snatching a slice of pizza and Thor's coke. Darcy shook her head remembering how Loki took Thor's orange juice the first time he appeared to them. Was Loki consciously stealing Thor's drinks or was it something he didn't even notice? And was this common practice on Asgard because Thor didn't seem like he minded at all. Was this a brother thing? Something Loki, as a little brother, would do to Thor, as a big brother?

"What are we talking about?" Loki asked. "Recycling? Pollution? Have we finally realized that Midgard will be a better place with King Loki residing over it?" He looked over at Darcy. "Little Mortal, I don't know how you can continue to eat meat. I've had my full of sausage."

"That's what she said." Tony quipped causing Natasha to roll her eyes and Thor and Loki to frown in confusion.

Darcy counted the seconds before one of them would get it. It took five full seconds for Loki's eyebrows to return to normal and smile tugged at his lips. "How vulgar."

"What's vulgar?" Thor turned to his brother. "I don't get it."

Loki looked as if he was about to answer but a slow smile spread over his face. "Ask Jane."

Darcy could just see it now. Thor, going up to Jane after an argument about color schemes, asking why a woman would be full of sausage.

"You look tired Loki." Thor noticed. "Have you not slept?"

For someone who claimed to be full, Loki was devouring that slice of pizza and already reaching for another. "Well, the Little Mortal got me up early this morning and Metal Mortal insisted that I do strenuous labor."

Tony scoffed. "Strenuous? I asked you to hold a rod."

"That's what he said." Loki teased causing Tony to laugh and Natasha to get up sharply and take her exit. "And I barely got any sleep last night. I had a headache."

Thor went from looking confused to concerned. "Loki, you don't usually feel ill…"

"Headaches huh?" That was Barton. "In the back of your head."

"Indeed. It almost feels like…" His eyes turned into slits as he slowly turned his gaze to Tony who shrugged. He looked back at Barton. His eyes slowly opened to their full, wide, width. "Why haven't you made your move on your spider friend?"

"Deflection!" Tony pointed out.

Barton reddened.

Loki continued, ignoring Tony. "I've heard tales former minion. I hear Bruce might beat you to it."

"Where have you heard that?" Darcy tried to keep the smile off her face as Barton tried to sound indifferent when he looked like he was about to cry.

"Yes Loki where?" She encouraged.

Not that Loki needed encouragement. "I have sources that tell me that while they were working together in California they shared a room. It seemed cleaning up after that earthquake together did wonders for their friendship. You know she has a soft spot for him after he, you know, tried to kill her."

Barton stood up curtly. "I have to go." Darcy watched as Barton nearly tripped over himself trying to catch up with Natasha.

Loki smiled that pleased smile and took a huge bite of pizza.

"So let me get this straight," Tony started. "You left abruptly earlier claiming you were going to lunch but you obviously didn't eat anything because you are eating that pizza like you having eaten in a year. Then you come back with information that you would never could have known unless you asked Bruce, who you fear because he smashed the mojo out of you and then you came back, right to where Barton was, to give him the extra kick he needed to ask Natasha out?"

Loki looked like he was thinking of an answer as he was once again being accused of not being a bad guy. You could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. It seemed that he couldn't come up with anything, though because he turned to Thor. "So how's decorating going with Ether?"

Darcy and Tony glanced at each other before they both said. "Deflection."


	5. Chapter 5

Contrary to popular belief, Loki was not a loner. Perhaps it was a misconception that quiet, studious types didn't know how to interact with the world because Loki was the opposite. In fact, he had many friends. Not just villains on Earth, but he was popular with villains in other worlds. It seemed, in the world of villainy, Loki was the guy to go to in order to get things done.

Darcy was surprised how many meetings and urgent requests to see him were demanded. After programming his phone to also ring to hers, she was constantly answering calls and scheduling meetings. Though many of these friends were actually very nice, Magneto called her darling; it was really becoming a job.

Most of the calls were for advice or a request for spells. Though Loki was free with his advice, he wasn't at all free with his magic. He was very cautious who got spells or potions and usually it was for a hefty price.

She could see where he got his money from.

To make things worse, Fury got wind about her new position and ordered her to inform the Avengers of any inappropriate planning and doings by Loki and his peers. This forced her to keep track of the phone calls she got and sometimes, listen in to his phone calls.

That was interesting all by itself. He and Doom texted all day and Loki even sent a selfie of his new hair cut which Doom said made Loki look less like a villain and more like a Disney character. Then Doom refused to tell Loki what Disney was and so Loki forced Darcy to show him. This led to Loki sending a text message in his native Asgardian language and then Loki refused to translate for him. This led to phone calls and text messages all night as Doom tried to decode the message.

Doom apparently had a bit of an OCD about cryptic messages. Loki told her the message was actually his to-do list which made it funnier. To her knowledge he never did translate it.

When Saturday evening rolled around, Loki handed her a list of names he wanted invited to his room to watch the boxing match on Pay per View. On the list were King Pin, Magneto, Doom and Amora. A group of elite villains were meeting in The Avenger's Towers. This seemed like something Fury would want reported but there was a small problem.

She was growing to like Loki. When he wasn't busy being a jerk, he was actually a very intelligent guy and playful. He made her laugh and even started making her coffee the way she wanted on most days. Every so often he would "forget" how to make it and add things he knew full well shouldn't be in coffee. Like salt.

She was just starting to gain his trust and in truth, starting to trust him. If she told the Avengers about it they would crash the party and he'd know she sold him out. But then, if the party was a rouse and they all got together to kill the Avengers, she'd feel awful and Jane and Pepper would never talk to her again.

So while he was rattling off a list of food to get, she was busy trying to find a way to approach this situation in a way that wouldn't make her a traitor to Loki or her friends.

"I think that's it." He finally said as he tore the paper out his note book and handed it to her.

"What about drinks?" She offered as she grabbed the paper. "Perhaps we should invite Tony, he has great liquor." Though Loki pretended he didn't like Tony, he actually enjoyed his company. He would often break things in Stark's workshop just so Tony would have a reason to visit him.

"Nah, no superheroes allowed." Loki answered. "I spend too much time with them as it is."

Crap. "Well, what about Barton? Aren't you guy's friends now? He took you out to lunch yesterday."

He looked over at her, his green eyes piercing into her blues as if he could see her intent. She wondered if he could. She wasn't sure if mind reading was one of his powers, but she knew he could read body language well. She tried to look relaxed but it was hard to do when she was under his unblinking stare.

"Ok, yeah. Barton can come." He answered eventually.

She let out a silent breath. Good. She'll tell Barton, who'd tell Natasha who would tell everyone and if there is evil afoot they'd snuff it out.

Darcy sighed, being a villain's assistant was proving to be hard.

000

TEXTING

Darcy to Barton: Hey, Loki is throwing a party tonight he wants you at his room at 8 for the fight.

Barton to Darcy: Who will be there?

Darcy to Barton: A whole bunch of evil doers.

Barton to Darcy: Sounds like fun. I'll be there.

Barton to Widow: Nat, Loki's throwing a party tonight for the fight. Can I go? You know? To spy?

Nat to Barton: Loki throws parties?

Barton to Nat: Apparently he has a lot of villain friends. And they get together to watch fights.

Nat to Barton: There is a lot about villains that we didn't know about it.

Barton to Nat: I know right! Don't worry though, I'll tell you guys everything tomorrow.

Nat to AVENGERS: Loki is throwing a party tonight. Barton is going to spy.

Thor to AVENGERS: Loki has friends?

Darcy to AVENGERS: A lot of them.

Iron Man to AVENGERS: Darcy you aren't an Avenger, how did you get included in this?

Darcy to AVENGERS: Loki added me into everyone's phone to spy for him. He said he got tired of reading texts about where to eat and how to use electronics and wanted me to do it.

Steve to AVENGERS: It's not my fault! The world is so different now.

Thor to AVENGERS: We have not these devices on Asgard.

Bruce to AVENGERS: Is no one else bothered by the fact that Loki was able to program my phone without having to be in the same COUNTRY as me.

Steve to AVENGERS: We assemble tomorrow to get Barton's report and question Loki.

000

Barton wasn't sure what to expect when he arrived in Loki's room, but it definitely wasn't this. They all looked so… casual. Even Magneto was dressed in jeans. Without their evil costumes they looked like ordinary people. Well, not Doom. Doom still looked odd.

He also wasn't expecting to be so accepted by them. No one questioned why a superhero was there and in fact, Kin Pin handed him a beer.

Barton took a seat next to Doom who threw his phone on the table with an exasperated sigh.

King Pin shook his head. "You still wrapped up that Invisachick?"

Doom sighed. "She calls me like every day."

"She's using you." Loki told him from his chair on the corner that looked suspiciously like a throne made of ice. "Every time she has a fight with Mr. Fantastupid she calls you."

"Does anyone else see a resemblance between Invisachick's brother and Captain America?" Magneto asked. "It's been driving me crazy."

"It's complicated." Doom answered Loki and ignoring Magneto. "You wouldn't understand."

Amora laughed throwing her head back in a most exaggerated fashion. "Loki understands complicated more than you think."

"Do not," Was Loki's juvenile answer. "You want to know what's complicated, how Thor left you and Sif for a mortal." Barton couldn't be sure why Loki would actually deny being complex other than the fact that he just had to be disagreeable.

King Pin screamed out. "OH! I wouldn't take that if I were you!"

"Can we focus guys?!" Doom yelled out. "What should I do? She's calling me again!"

"Let it ring." Loki answered. "Let her think you're with another female."

King Pin nodded. "Yeah, you can't let her think she's all you have. She's gotta know you have options."

Doom let it ring another second before he reached for the phone. "I can't take it!"

Before Doom could pick up the phone Loki used his power to throw him against the wall and held him there, sealing Doom's lips as he answered the phone. Barton was surprised by Loki's strength. With all the pranks he pulled it was easy to forget how powerful the sorcerer could be.

"Doom's phone." Loki answered. "Oh I'm sorry, Doom is balls deep in a blonde right now. Shall I take a message?" Doom was trying to put up a fight but Loki looked as if it took no effort to keep him against the wall. Magneto and King Pin were covering their mouths trying not to laugh as Amora started making passionate sex noises.

"Oh Victor! Victor! VICTOR!"

"Oh it seems he's cumming right now hold on!" A second passed before he held up the phone triumphantly. "She hung up!"

The room busted with laughter and Loki lowered his arm dropping Doom fell to the floor. "You're such a jerk Loki." Doom said getting to his feet. "I can't believe you did that!"

"Enough about Victor's Invisachick. Who's that leggy blonde that opened the door?" King Pin questioned. "She's got a rocking body."

"Oh that's Pepper." Loki shapeshifted into her in a blink of an eye. "I'm Tony's minion. I'm super sweet but I can bring a Metal Mortal to his knees!" Loki walked around the room, swishing his hips in the form of Pepper while everyone yelled cat calls.

"Who's the red head with the big butt?" Doom asked. "She looks like she's into kink."

Loki shape shifted into Natasha. "I'm Nat. I keep Barton locked in my basement as my love slave!"

Everyone pointed at Barton laughing as he turned a bright red. "Hey, I have you know that she is not the boss of me."

"Oh yeah?" Loki started in Nat's voice. "I bet you had to ask permission to come out tonight."

Barton's tight lips gave him away.

"Now hold on boys," Amora started. "I saw a curvy little lady with an ample chest when I walked in."

King Pin smiled. "Oh yeah I saw her too. Loki's type all the way."

Loki shifted back into Loki. "Shut up."

Magneto laughed. "That's your assistant isn't? The one who answers your phone? I see Fifty Shades of Green after work hours!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you read that stupid book. You're too old to be having sex."

Amore snorted. "Aren't you a thousand?"

"In Asgardian years. By Midgardian years I'm like twenty five."

"Besides," Doom started. "We all know Loki's a sub. It would be more like Lady Chatterley's Lover. "

"Am not! I'm so dominant."

Barton shook his head. This couldn't be what villains really did when they got together. Where were the master plots and hatred? Where was the self-loathing and evil-ness?

"Well, I tell you this much." Amora started. "Your assistant is way hotter than your brother's girl. What's with those sweaters?"

Loki shrugged. "Jane's got her moments. You're just jealous because she won him over with ugly sweaters and your breasts have been hanging out your shirts for centuries and he never spared a glance."

"OH!" King Pin yelled. "I wouldn't take that if I were you."

000

The Avenger's sat around the table waiting for Barton to give his report. None of them slept well wondering what Loki could be up to now. Though his tricks have been light hearted, they knew his consorts were anything but.

"Tell us Barton." Steve started the meeting. "What is Loki up to?"

"Well, let's see," Barton cleared his throat. "Magneto reads pornographic novels; Amora and Thor had a thing."

Thor snorted. "She wishes."

"King Pin is an instigator, Doom has been sleeping with Invisible Girl AKA Invisachick, Pepper is one of the hottest women in the house and known as Tony's minion."

Tony smiled. "Alright, go Pepper!"

"They think Natasha is a dominatrix, and they all agree that Darcy is Loki's type. Oh yeah and Loki might be a sexual submissive, but he denied it, which means it's probably true."

Steve blinked. "That's it? What about their plans for world domination?"

"Well, maybe if they get their love lives in order, but for right now, they are all passed on in Loki's room and he's drawing mustaches on their faces. One really notable thing though, Loki was able to pin Doom to the wall with one hand. Apparently his magic is stronger than Doom's."

Thor nodded proudly. "My brother has always been dedicated to his magic. Now tell me, where did Jane fall in the list of pretty women?"

"Well, they agreed that she wears ugly sweaters, by Loki is found of her."

Thor nodded. "I keep telling her those sweaters are ugly."

Natasha shook her head in disbelief. "This is why she's always mad at you."

Loki entered the kitchen, magic marker still in hand. "Morning superheroes."

"Loki, how did you program Darcy as an Avenger in my phone?" Banner asked not wasting a second. He didn't like the thought of people finding him so easily.

"I did no such thing. Why would I want Darcy to be an Avenger?"

Tony sat back, arms across his chest. "She said you wanted her to read our text messages because you were tired of reading them yourself."

"Why would I read your text messages? None of you are that interesting. Except Widow and Hawk. I would love to read those messages."

"How did she know what we texted each other then?" Steve asked. "She had pretty specific details."

Tony stood up. "I think we should look deeper into this."

All the superheroes filtered out except for Barton, who turned to Loki. "You're lying aren't you?"

"Of course I'm lying. It'll take those buffoons all day to realize it too. How else would the Little Mortal gain access to their messages? It amuses me so to read them."

Barton sighed. "You know, Doom is right."

"About what?"

"You really are a jerk."


	6. Chapter 6

No beta

This chapter isn't as humorous as previous ones but I needed to get the plot moving.

**There are mentions of torture but none of it is in detail and it is more suggestive than anything.**

There is a start of more Darcy/Loki things at the end of the chapter.

It was de-ja-vu only instead of green pajama pants it was his leathers and instead of the Avenger Tower's it was SHIELD's office.

Loki came walking in, Darcy in toe carrying his notepad and they took seats across from Steve who looked like he wasn't sure if he wanted to be annoyed or amused. Loki's presence around their tower was one thing but this was work and if Loki was here, he must have had something to do with the problems they were facing.

Steve looked at Coulson, who looked at Fury who glared at Loki. "What are you doing? How did you get in here?" Fury asked.

"I was invited, via text message from Steve. And I got in here by walking. It's the same way I get to everywhere." Loki conjured a cup of coffee and handed it to Darcy who took it gratefully. He really was getting better at the coffee thing. The only problem was she was the only person he'd make coffee for. When Thor asked, Loki blasted him through the wall.

They were working on him not responding to everything so negatively.

Fury looked at Coulson, who looked at Steve who glared at Loki. "I sent a text message for the Avengers to Assemble." Steve answered before repeating. "The Avengers."

"Yes I know." Loki replied with a roll of his eyes. "Darcy showed me."

Steve looked at Darcy who looked at Steve. "I told you guys he had access to your messages." Darcy put her arms up in defense. "You guys never changed the numbers."

Tired of his antics, Fury pointed to the door. "You're not an Avenger Loki. Get out."

"Darcy take a note." Loki points a long finger at her.

She picked up the green pen, Loki only allowed green pens, and put it to the pad. "I'm ready."

"Men with eye patches like to kick me out of places."

He didn't mean to, but Thor laughed hard and out loud. It was a loud boisterous sound that echoed throughout the room.

Steve did not approve. "Don't laugh at his antics Thor, it will only encourage him."

"Don't talk to my brother like that." Loki came to the defense of his brother without thinking. It was a knee-jerk reaction. "He does what he wants."

Steve turned his attention to Loki. "Oh yeah, well maybe I should have let him do what he wanted when he wanted to pummel you to the ground."

Loki was not one to back down especially not to Captain America. "Yeah, well maybe I'll call Bucky and tell him what a jerk you're being."

The outrage rippled over Steve's face in a wave before he jumped out of his chair, knocking it over. "Don't you speak his name!"

Loki liked dramatics, so he knocked over his chair too and the empty one next to him. "Bucky! Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky!

Steve would have responded, but Fury started to laugh which took everyone by surprise. There was something ridiculous about a god sounding like a seven year old little brother. "It's hard to believe you almost took over the world."

Loki took a breath to calm himself as he righted the chairs and sat back down. "Yeah, well it's hard to believe that you give yourself the credit to creating the Avengers when it was totally me."

That wiped the smile on Fury's face but added one to Darcy's. It seemed he was picking up some of her slang as she was the only one to use 'totally' so casually.

"Loki." Thor said ready to put an end to Loki's clowning around as Steve returned to his own seat. "We have very important business to attend to."

"Yes I know." Loki smiled. "A silver suffer is causing weather related anomalies."

Steve knew it! "Do you have anything to do with it?"

"Not at all." Loki mocked outrage. "Except that Doom wants his surf board. He's downstairs now, I told him he wasn't an Avenger so he couldn't come in."

"You aren't an Avenger either." Widow commented.

Loki turned to Barton. "Barton, control your woman."

Barton turned to Natasha. "Nat…"

The look she returned told him he'd die if he thought for one moment that he could "control" her. Wisely, he decided to stay quiet.

Loki shook his head. "That's a shame Barton. She doesn't even need a mind controlling stick to make you do what she wants." Loki laughed at Barton until his cell phone rang. "Doom! Yeah. He is. OK." He hung up and looked at Fury. "So, Silver Surfer is coming. Doom can see him."

In a panic, the Avengers rushed out to see The Surfer was indeed coming towards New York and he was moving fast.

"Darcy," Loki turned to his assistant. "Why don't you go back inside?"

"Why Will that stop the silver dude from killing me?"

"Possibly." Loki answered. "At the very least it would cause some delay."

Darcy turned on her heals and Loki was happy that for a change the Little Mortal listened to him.

"So what's this guy's deal?" Loki questioned a little surprised to see that he was actually silver. What was it with New York villains that they felt the need to name themselves after colors? "Like, what's his thing?"

It was Tony that answered in his full Iron Man suit. "His board seems to be where his power comes from. The problem is there is no way to get him off the board."

"Really?" Loki strained to look closer at the board which was also silver. "I don't see any straps."

"It's not by straps that he is held brother." Thor answered. "It is through some magical power."

"Oh." Loki moaned. "I love magical power. Ok so, I'm going to blast him from his board."

Tony scoffed. "You are not listening. He can't be blasted off the board."

"Did any one you try?"

"We all tried." Tony continued. "He can withstand a great deal of energy."

Loki sensed the Surfer's power, but it wasn't as strong as what The Avengers seemed to think. What was it about these mortals that they under estimated him so? "So… I'm going to blast him."

"He absorbs power Loki." Thor told him. "An enemy with your powers can be devastating."

Loki took a moment to wonder when he stopped being an enemy but soon responded. "Well we have to do something because he is coming straight at us and his emotionless face is freaking me out."

"We need a plan." Captain said. "We should think of a plan."

"We don't have time for a plan." Loki pointed at the silver man now only yards away. "He is looking right at us." Becoming annoyed and bored with this Loki extended an arm. "I'm going to blast him."

"Loki no!" They called out to him.

"Loki, no!" He mimicked as he sized up Silver Surfer. "Don't save our lives no!" Loki released a blast of energy that to everyone's surprise, knocked the Surfer off his board and onto the ground before Loki. Loki teleported the board to him. "It's not that powerful." Came his disappointed reply while he examined the board. Why would Doom want such a weak thing? He handed the board to Fury.

The Silver Surfer looked up at Loki clearly shocked. "What are you?"

Loki smiled. "Well that depends really. I can be so many things."

The Surfer jumped up and grabbed Loki's arm before anyone could stop him trying to suck Loki's power but Loki only giggled as small tremors passed through his body. "That tickles."

Realizing his attempt to drain Loki of his powers were useless, Surfer frowned and released him looking even more confused.

"My turn!" Loki grabbed Surfer's arm sucking in everything that made him powerful. His usually pale skin turned silver-ish as Loki's eyes turned a milky white. Quickly he summoned the board and jumped on it.

Tony went to blast Loki with a missile, thinking Loki meant to take the board for Doom but realized quickly he wasn't actually going anywhere. He was doing flips on the board that was hovering about 10 feet off the ground as Doom kept trying to jump for it.

"Give me the board Loki!" Doom was screaming. "I want it, give it to me!"

"If you can catch it you can keep it!" Loki yelled back deliberately coming closer to Doom and then dancing away before Doom could reach him. It was a bizarre site really. It was like a magical game of keep away between an alien and warlock.

Tony turned to make a comment to Thor about how grateful he was to be an only child when he realized Thor was looking fondly at his brother. Tony wondered if Thor was actually proud of his little brother for being stronger than all of them and knocked the Surfer down. He wondered if this Loki was the Loki that Thor knew before his temper tantrum that almost destroyed the world.

As for Loki, he was having fun. Granted when Doom told him about the board and what it could do, Loki was a bit torn. On one hand, he understood Doom's desire for power, he still craved it himself but then on the other hand, he could understand why the board, in the wrong hands could do major destruction. So he agreed to call in The Avengers, as Doom requested, to help get the board, but he really had no intention of giving the board to his friend. He had enough problems with intergalactic entities.

During one of his flips, Loki noticed they were taking Silver Surfer back into SHIELD headquarters. It reminded him of when he was marched into his own cell. It didn't sit well with him in fact, it was better to say it was out right bothered him.

Loki stopped flying abruptly, hitting Doom in the face and knocking him out, before jumping off the board, giving it back to Fury and walking up to wrap an arm around Surfer's long, silver, neck.

"Hey?" He asked one of the guards trying to take him away. "Where are you taking my new friend?"

"Level 3." The guard told him.

Level 3 isn't a nice place to be, Loki knows. He had never seen it, but he'd heard talk about it. He was threatened with it before Natasha came with her fake tears. It was something he was willing to take because the threat of Thanos was worse than anything Fury could have dished out.

"Well hold on there." Loki requested as he stopped the guard's decent to level 3. "I'd prefer to talk to my new friend myself."

The guard went to grab Loki to physically remove him from the Surfer's side but that only landed the guard on the floor holding his dislocated arm.

The sound caught the attention of Thor who screamed out "Loki!" while summoning his mighty hammer. "What are you doing?"

With guns pointed in his face, Loki created a barrier to protect both him and his friend. "He's going to be tortured, Thor."

"We need information Loki." Fury explained trying to defuse the situation. "If he doesn't cooperate, then we will make him."

Loki snorted. "Have you ever been tortured? It's not fun. Let me talk to my new friend here first. I'm sure he'll cooperate after a nice cup of coffee." He looked at his silver friend. "Right Surfer? You just want a cup of coffee?"

Silver Surfer looked at Loki as if he was out of his mind but coffee sounded better than torture. "Of course. A cup of coffee."

It took Fury a moment to think through his options. The last time Loki was in a SHIELD facility, he managed to take down some of his best men under a minute and while sick. The Surfer with Loki, and possibly Doom when he woke up, would likely be catastrophic. Eventually, Fury nodded. "Alright."

The guns lowered and Loki lowered the protective covering over them. He looked at the officer on the floor, holding his arm, and frowned. He bent down and touched the dislocated arm healing it.

"Come Silver friend." He said as he led him to a break room. "Let us drink some coffee and you can tell me why you are destroying the planet I am meant to rule."

The Avenger's followed behind him keeping a close eye on the pair as the entered the room where Darcy was.

"Are we still going to die?" She asked. "Because there are still a lot of things I want to do first."

"Fear not Little Mortal, for I am Loki of Asgard." He said it as if where he was from would protect her at all.

"I thought you were Loki of Yogurts."

"It's Joutenhiem, and I thought you said you wanted to live?" It was an empty threat, Darcy knew but she surrendered anyway. "Please pour a cup of coffee for my new friend. He needs the caffeine boost."

The Surfer took a seat and accepted the coffee Darcy offered him. "It is not that I want to destroy your world. I am sent to start the destruction of mankind for my master, who wishes to inhabit this realm."

"Who is this master?" Loki asked. "Thanos? Because if it's Thanos I should probably leave."

"Thanos? You know him?" The Surfer questioned. "I thought he was only a problem on my world."

"Sadly I have made his acquaintance. He kind of wants to kill me slowly."

"He wants to kill everyone slowly. But no, it is not him."

Loki arched a brow. "Are the people who wish to live on this world open to subjugation? Because if they are more grateful than humans I'm sure we can make a deal."

"LOKI!" Thor thundered.

"Fine, I won't assist in the destruction of humans." Thor was such a kill joy some times. "Look, Surfer, this is my planet…"

"LOKI!" Thor roared again.

"I mean Thor's planet and once I kill him my planet. You can't have it."

Surfer placed his cup on the table. "It is not that simple."

"It never is, is it?" Loki sighed. "How long do we have before your master comes?"

As if on cue, a roar of thunder shook the building and the sky darkened.

Darcy jumped up with a girlish yelp. "Crap we're going to die."

"Stay here Little Mortal," Loki told her as the Avengers went out to fight the latest threat to the world. "If the world will end I will teleport us to some other, livelier, realm."

Loki left his assistant in the hands of Coulson, who he could have sworn he killed before, and went to join the Avengers.

There were two threats it seemed, one from a metallic worm swallowing people and one from a twenty foot tidal wave that threatened to kill the other humans the worm wasn't eating.

"Oh dear." Loki frowned. "Little Mortal was right, we might just die. Alright then, I'll handle the wave, you guys go handle the worm."

"How do you handle a wave Loki?" Steve yelled to Loki but he had already started moving towards the wall of water.

Having no choice but to trust Loki to do what he told them he'd do, Steve and his team focused on the worm with metal armor eating people.

After the Chitauri though, the metal worm really wasn't all the hard to destroy. A little lightening from Thor and well placed missiles from Tony took the monster down without much fuss but all of that seemed insignificant when they remembered about the twenty foot wave.

But Steve soon realized that people weren't running away any more. Instead they were standing slack jawed and amazed. He followed their gaze to see the wave still towering over Manhattan only it wasn't moving. It seemed as if it was stuck, unable to move against an unmovable force except that unmovable force with a six foot two man that held it away with nothing more than his hands.

Loki, himself, looked as if he was in a trance until he flicked his wrist and the silver surf board flew out of SHIELD, picked up Surfer and slid under Loki's feet.

Steve wouldn't have believed it except he saw it with his own eyes. Loki, along with Surfer, rode the wave back away from Manhattan.

"It appears he has mastered a new element." Thor brought Steve out of his state of disbelief.

"I thought Loki needed the scepter for power." He commented. "I thought…"

"Loki is a wizard. He didn't need the scepter for power."

Steve watched Loki and Surfer's retreating forms and watched as the waters receded. "Then what did he need it for?"

Thor turned to face Steve. "I really don't know."

000

Doom was sulking. That was the best way to put it really. Darcy tried not to laugh at the villain sitting in the corner with his arms folded across his chest and a pouty lower lip. Not only did he miss all the action, but there was no way he was going to get the board now that Surfer helped them against the metallic worm.

The Avengers had returned, battered a bit, but otherwise ok studying the sky to see if Loki would run away with the Silver Surfer's board. She knew he wouldn't. Loki had no interest in the board when Doom first mentioned it. It seemed her boss was not one for accessories.

In truth, she really just wanted to see Loki for herself. They had said he was fine, Thor wasn't the least bit worried about him, but she wanted to see him for herself. She was coming to realize that Loki always seemed fine, especially when he wasn't.

When he walked in with Surfer, it took everything she had to not run over to him and wrap her arms around him. Much to her surprise however, the first words out of his mouth were, "Where is my Little Mortal?"

Since when did she become his? And why was she not completely losing it over his possessiveness? When Ian called her his girlfriend she freaked out, not ready to commit to anything and yet here was this alien god called her his Little Mortal and she was perfectly fine being paired with a known villain. If she could still call him that.

When he spotted her, his eyes lit up and a genuine smile covered his face. She felt so very stupid that she found herself grinning like a fool upon his return. "Loki! You live."

"Oh Darcy it was horrible!" He yelled as he threw himself in her arms. "I feared for my life. There was fire to the left of me. Fire to the right of me!"

"You tell lies." The Surfer started. "There was water, not fire."

"Seriously Silvery friend. If we are going to have adventures together you must learn to lie."

Darcy barked out a laugh as Loki walked over to the depressed Doom in the corner.

Thor came over to them. "So is there no more quarrel with Earth?"

"No, no quarrels. I will leave this place and return in a month to watch a fighting match with Loki." Surfer studied Thor for a moment. "Am I right to believe that you are the fool's brother?"

Thor nodded.

"Keep him close. You are lucky he has chosen to use his powers for mischief. If he felt so inclined, he could destroy worlds." He turned to leave. "Or if someone wished to use him for such."

There was a warning there Darcy was sure.

"Did you have fun with your new friend?" Doom was getting up from his seat in the corner.

Loki frowned. "Don't be mad Doom. You're still my very best friend."

Doom scoffed. "Yeah right. You didn't take me surfing."

Loki rolled his eye and Darcy smiled. They were like an old married couple really. They had these little spats often which is what would logically happen when two possessive people become friends. "Doom, you don't know how to surf. I mean if I was going to fly a kite or blow up a building I would totally have taken you."

The look of pure unhappiness shouldn't have been so comical and yet Darcy was trying not to laugh as Doom said, "You're just saying that."

"Come now," Loki walked Doom towards the door grabbing Darcy by the waist to take her with them. "I'll let you buy Darcy and I some ice cream."

Ice cream actually sounded good. "I bet coffee ice cream is your favorite." Darcy teased.

Loki stopped. "There is coffee ice cream? Doom you've been keeping secrets from me."

Doom shrugged. "Sucks doesn't it!"


	7. Chapter 7

Still not beta.  
This one has got feels.  
A bit sexual, nothing too graphic

"Loki get out!" Fury had been saying that more and more lately. No matter how much he increased security, Loki found his way back into SHIELD headquarters.

And he would show up in the oddest places. He was caught writing lewd phrases on the bathroom wall. He spiked the coffee with Red Bull, poor Coulson almost died again from heart palpitations from the mixture of two highly caffeinated drinks. And just yesterday he popped up in the weapons vault playing with the guns. He proved more of a danger to himself than anyone else when he shot himself in the face with a laser.

"I am here with reason this time Angry Mortal." Loki explained as he sat in a chair in front of Fury. "Not just to get on your nerves."

Fury plopped down into his chair. "Tell me what you want so I can tell you no and you can get out!"

"I don't like what you are doing to Little Mortal."

Loki had been bothering SHIELD agents for so long that his nicknames for people have started to spread. From Metal Mortal, to Little Mortal, to Mortal Spider and even Coulson was nicknamed Not So Mortal, people actually started referring to them by these names. The only one he hadn't nicknamed was Bruce. Loki tried to stay clear of that guy.

"I haven't done anything to Darcy."

"Yes, you have. More than you know. You have put her in a position where she must choose between good and evil and though she usually picks good, I fear she will one day make a mistake."

"And how have I done that?"

"You have instructed her to tell you of my dealings with other villains have you not?" Loki has known since his fight party that Darcy was trying to play both sides. He respected her attempts to keep everyone happy while doing the right thing. He was good at dancing on the line of white and black. The problem was eventually that line greyed.

Fury didn't even think to lie. It was growing harder to look at Loki as a threat, despite knowing that he could kill anyone he wanted to. "I have."

"Well this has caused her to either betray her friends or betray me and she is running out of ways to do so without hurting someone. It is causing sleepless nights and she has already lost five pounds."

It surprised Fury that Loki would care so much for a mortal. So much so that he noticed she lost five pounds which wouldn't be a noticeable weight loss. Unless you were looking hard enough of course. "What would you have me do?"

"Well if I keep her in my employment, she will be forced to betray me. But if I fire her, she will be without income. So, I propose that she stays on as my… keeper but you take over her salary."

"And what is her salary?"

"Thirty five an hour. Plus health benefits and 401K." Alright so, Loki is lying. He was paying her 25 and her health benefits went as far as him using his healing magic to take her cramps away and healing a paper she got last week. He didn't even understand what 401K was but Doom and King Pin made up some false documents to prove he was putting money in an account for her.

Fury looked over Loki carefully weighing his options. Loki had proved an asset both with the Silver Surfer and at other times when he seemed to have information about upcoming attacks. Keeping Loki close would prove beneficial but then, how long would Loki stay helpful? He supposed though, having a completely loyal Darcy would help in finding his intentions. "Alright Loki. But you must report here every day to Coulson and she must start keeping record of what you guys do during the day that pertains to your transformation. And Thor has to sign it every day."

Loki groaned. "Why Thor?"

"Natasha will lie for Darcy, Barton will lie for Natasha, Tony will lie because he can, Pepper will lie for Tony and Bruce will get angry dealing with you every day."

The things he must do for his little mortal. "Deal."

"Good. Now get out!"

Loki teleported back to Avenger Towers. He checked on his liar before going back to his room. Darcy had requested the day off and Loki found that he was actually lonely and a little bored. He was about to go find Thor when he noticed a purse by his bed. Darcy had must have left it the last time she was over.

Curious to see what she had he took the bag to the kitchen, made a sandwich and emptied the contents onto the table. It wasn't long before the men of the Avengers walked in, fresh from whatever heroes did when there were no villains attacking New York.

"Brother what are you doing?" Thor asked as they took seats around the table. "Whose bag is that?"

"Looking through Little Mortal's things." Loki confessed. "She left her purse here."

Tony tsked. "Potter, women don't like it when people go through their things."

Bruce nodded. "It would make them angry."

Loki laughed manically. "Yes, I know." Loki searched through her things, smelling her lotions and opening her makeup kit. Finally he settled on a small square packet that seemed to have something round in it. "What is this?" He asked looking at it suspiciously.

Steve took it from Loki's hand. "I don't know." He had not seen it before either.

Tony looked at Bruce, who looked away so Tony looked to Thor who had a worried expression on his face. He waited for Thor to answer him since it was his little brother, but after a moment of Thor's silence he answered. "Well Loki, that is a condom."

Loki took it back from Steve. "What is a condom? Oh wait it says it on the back." He quietly reads it before his eyes widen in horror. "This is barbaric! This can't be pleasurable for anyone! Why would someone put a barrier between themselves and feminine goodness?"

The men passed looks around the table trying to find the best way to explain it. It was Barton who offered an explanation with a small smile on his face. "It prevents pregnancy."

"Pregancy?! Are you serious!" Loki looked outraged. "Have males of this realm no control over this?" Asgardian males choose when and if to release semen. So did Jotun men apparently.

"Well, it's not just pregnancy that must be prevented." Thor explained further. "But this realm has many illness that you can contract…"

"Wait, wait, wait a minute Thor. Wait." Loki face palmed trying to get an understanding of what was being said to him. Are you telling me that you must use this contraption in order to lay with Jane?" Loki's emerald eyes sparkled at Thor's red cheeks. "The mighty Thor must wear a condom!" Loki laughed a genuine laugh. A laugh Thor had not heard in years. "Must you all wear this?"

Barton nodded. "Nat makes me wear one."

"Pepper and I don't." Tony said, smug smile on his face. "She's on the pill."

"What pill?" Loki asked. "What does the pill do?"

"Birth control pills." Bruce answered. "Many couples who are monogamous only use the pill."

Loki tore open the package to look at it causing another bout of laughter. "It's so small! What would this cover?"

Bruce was laughing now as he answered. "Um, she was seeing someone. Ian, I think his name was."

"Poor girl!" Loki exclaimed. "No wonder she eats so much sausage!"

Tony cackled at Loki's amused face. "Loki stop, please stop."

"There must be a better use for this thing!" Taking a deep breath, Loki started blowing air into it. As it expanded Steve took on a mortified face as Thor looked away from his brother's antics.

Thor couldn't help but remember when Loki became of age sexually. Explaining things seemed easier then, perhaps because they were younger and less self-conscious. Now, explaining Midgardian ways of love and confessing that he had to adhere to them made him feel embarrassed.

Bruce covered his eyes and Tony slapped the table with his hands as he shook with laughter.

Loki tied the opening. "Here we are. Surely a balloon must provide better entertainment for Darcy then Ian did." Loki started swinging the air filled condom around as Barton gasped for breath between cackles.

"I have been with women from realms all over the universe and never have I seen such a ridiculous contraption! I've never been with a mortal though. My poor Little Mortal stuck with such meager men."

Loki let his magic take over, making the air filled condom dance around the room until slowly an idea came to his mind. An idea so arousing that his magic popped the make shift balloon making it fly around the room uncontrollably until it landed on Steve's face.

This caused another round of laughter but Thor watched as a look came over his brother's face. Thor saw that look before. The look of a Loki idea. An idea that would sure to be ludicrous, ridiculous and given the circumstances sexual.

Thor had heard tales of his brother's conquests. True, Thor had a quantity of lovers but Loki seemed to favor being with the same lover for a time. Loki had been very private about his dealing with women but he once overheard a servant speaking about Loki's virility. The words had brought a smile to his face then.

But things were different now. They were no longer little boys but grown men. And Loki was of a realm not of his own. "Brother…"

"I should sleep with Darcy!" Loki shouted as if he had just figured out the meaning of life. It was out of character for him to be so open about his amorous pursuits but he just could help but shout it out.

"Wait, what?" Bruce asked as the laughter stopped. "What?"

"I've never been with a mortal, she has been cursed with men with finger sized appendages. It's only logical that we sleep together."

"Actually," Steve said finding his voice and removing the deflated condom from his face. "That isn't logical at all."

"I shall need to woo her!" Loki ignored Steve, as often he did. "I shall have to work to earn her heart."

"Heart!" Tony squealed almost girlishly. "I thought you were talking about just having sex with her."

"I would not treat a lady like Darcy so poorly." Loki scoffed. "She's not a tramp like Jane."

"Hey!" Thor screamed. "Jane is no tramp."

"Oh please. You knew her three days and you had her knickers! She can't have fallen in love with you after three days. And you left for a year so really all that's left is lust." Loki quickly scooped the other contents on the table back into her bag. "Yes, I will pursue Darcy! She likes food. I will buy her Chinese food of the best kind and win her heart!"

Loki teleported as quickly as he could to get her food. It had been a long time since he even considered taking a partner. Having no real roots, Loki often drifted from realm to realm looking for fun. But now Midgard was his home and it only made sense that he take up with someone who seemed genuinely interested in him.

She knew how he liked his coffee and what to say to make him laugh. Truth be told she was beautiful to Loki though he knew she herself did not feel beautiful. She often made comments about how beautiful Pepper was, or how sexy Widow was. She often made references to how smart Jane was and how appropriate it was that she be with a prince.

He understood exactly how it felt, being around people that were the definition of beautiful and realizing that you fall short. But what he couldn't understand was why he felt she wasn't the definition of beautiful. She talked about being fat, which Loki couldn't figure out why that was a bad thing. He had heard the other women talking about dieting and such to lose weight. Perhaps Midgardian men liked small women and he, being of a Frost Giant nature, found bigger women more appealing.

And why wasn't she smart? She often found ways to trick him and found clever ways to stop his less than reputable dealings without being judgmental. Why couldn't she see that she had a lot to offer? She was just as worthy of a prince as Jane was.

That thought stopped him. She was in deed worthy of prince but not a fallen one. Maybe he hadn't thought this through. Sure as a friend Loki found himself appealing. He liked to have a good time and enjoyed entertaining. But as a partner, what would he have to offer Darcy?

But then, maybe Darcy saw in him what he saw in her. Maybe she would find a kindred spirit in him, someone who understood what is was to feel less than. Maybe she would like his attentions and compliments.

He bought her food and then teleported to her place. He would see if she took to his flirtations. If not, he would write it off as a trick or a joke. But if she responded positively to his attentions then he would pursue her.

He knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.

"Who is it?" She answered from behind the door.

"Loki!" He answered trying not to be nervous but preparing for rejection.

One moment the door was closed and he was standing in the hallway of her apartment building. The next moment the door was open and he thrown onto the nearest table in her home with her on top of him passionately kissing.

It took him a moment to even realize that he was being kissed but when he realized he was, he kissed back just as passionately. Her hands were everywhere, places that maybe they should be straying so soon, but he couldn't even care. He wrapped his hands in her long dark hair and enjoyed the feelings of desired.

When she pulled back he was breathless. Chinese food was scattered on the floor and he was at a loss for words. This was not at all what he though was going to happen tonight.

Darcy looked down into those deep green eyes, confusion knitting his eyebrows together. She could feel his firm chest rising and falling in his labored breathing. He smelled like snow, his skin cool but comforting. He was trembling slightly as her hands cupped his face.

She smiled down at him and said only one word. "401K." Before she claimed his lips again.

I originally had some romantic stuff happening, but I then I thought it clashed with the story's flow. Besides, I liked the idea of Loki trying to find a way to woo Darcy not realizing he already did in the beginning of the chapter.

Thanks for the reviews!


	8. Chapter 8

No beta  
There are a lot of sexual themes going on and a lot of suggestion.  
On the surface, this chapter means nothing to the plot, but it actually does.

Natasha wasn't surprised one bit when Thor, Barton and Tony tried to extend their stay in her kitchen during their girls only night. Men were all the same whether human, alien, or whatever the heck Tony was.

Tony swore he was only there to make sure Pepper arrived safely which was ridiculous because their apartment was only three floors away. Thor claimed he was only insuring Jane had everything she needed for the night and Barton made it clear, "If Tony and Thor is staying so am I."

It was all so romantically annoying.

Nat looked over to Darcy, whose face was down. She imagined it must be hard being the single girl in a group of romantically involved females. She would ask Barton if he had any friends she could pair her with. If need be she'd beat Loki into give her essential information on her preferences. Well, even it wasn't needed.

A green shimmering light appeared, which was a magic Loki only used when Pepper was around to announce his arrival. Pepper screaming whenever Loki appeared out of nowhere seemed to actually make him remorseful. He seemed to delight in making Jane scream though.

That's when she saw it, the smile that spilt Darcy's face in two. He was carrying a bottle of Pina Colada, which everyone knew was Darcy's favorite and he put it directly in her hands.

Interesting.

Then he proceeded to tare all their packages apart, inspect the food and taking a bite out of everything, even the onion rings which everyone knew he hated. When he took a bite out of it he made a grossed out face and shoved the rest of it in Darcy's mouth.

Also interesting.

She took it willingly, which wasn't really surprising since Darcy really did enjoy food, but along with the onion ring, she also took his fingers in her mouth.

Widow smiled. This was by far the most interesting thing she'd seen in a long time.

The men started filtering out but Loki lingered taste testing everything before conjuring a plate and taking some food for himself.

"Female Mortals, have a good night. Darcy stay away from the chicken, it's of poor quality."

Wait, did he really taste everything to make sure it was suitable for Darcy to eat? As soon as Loki retreated to wherever it was he went to, Nat turned to Darcy. "Good for you!"

Darcy arched a brow. "For what?"

"You're banging Loki."

Darcy turned a bright red as Jane looked mortified. "You're sleeping with Loki!" Jane squeaked. "Like, Loki Thor's brother?"

Darcy's cheeks turned so red Natasha thought her head would pop. "We haven't had sex." She explained. "But, we are definitely no longer just friends!"

Peppers blue eyes opened wide, jaw slacked. "When did this happen!"

"Like two weeks ago."

"Why?" Jane demanded. "Why?"

"He got me 401K Jane! Do you have any idea how awesome that is?"

Natasha frowned. "How did he get you 401K?"

"He got SHIELD to take over my salary. He got me a sweet raise and benefits."

Pepper moaned. "Mmmm benefits."

"Ok, so if you haven't actually gone all the way, then tell me this, what have you done that has that man coming to taste test your food."

"We just made out a little." It wasn't a little. She had him naked, in her hands, heard him sigh in pleasure and watched him erupt on her hallway table. She never took him inside her but then it didn't really seem necessary. She was already more intimate with him then she ever had been with any other man.

"Ok!" Pepper called out. "Time for compare brother time!"

Natasha and Pepper pulled their chairs closer as Darcy laughed. "I don't think that would be fare, they are very different."

Nat snorted. "I already know Loki is a better lover than Thor."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Just because he wears leather doesn't mean he's better at sex."

"It's not his clothes baby, it's his need to strive for the best. " Natasha explained. "He would not settle for a mere orgasm. He would strive for five, fall short at three, because let's face it he's a loser, and be mad at himself all day for not being able to accomplish his goal. This would lead to presents."

"He's not a loser!" Oh how right she was about everything else though. When Loki stopped being shocked at being manhandled by a female mortal, he quickly went to work finding new ways to please her before she had to make him stop.

Pepper nodded. "Yeah. Thor doesn't have to work as hard because, you know, he's Thor."

"And on top of that he's got abandonment issues." Natasha went on. "His fear of disappointing his lover and her disposing of him would make him insane. He'd act off emotion, which we know he does, and let it cloud his better judgement. He wouldn't even realize he was enslaved until he was chained naked to the foot of the bed."

Jane and Darcy exchanged a look of bewilderment. Natasha was a freak.

Pepper reached for a pen and paper. "Alright let's start the scoring. We have Barton, Tony, Thor and Loki. The categories are kissing, dirty talk, staying power, kink factor and romance."

"I'll go first!" Nat raised her arms to start the game. "Ok, Barton likes to kiss but he doesn't because he knows I don't like it."

Darcy went next. "Loki doesn't seem to like kissing much. He only does it if I kiss him first."

"Tony loves to kiss only when he's about to orgasm."

"Thor gets over excited with kissing."

Natasha made a face. "Eww I hate sloppy kissers."

They all seemed to agree.

"Ok so Loki doesn't like to kiss, no point for him, Thor is gross so no point for him so should Tony or Barton get the point?"

"I go with Barton." Darcy said. "He puts Nat's preference above his own."

Pepper writes the one point. "Ok, dirty talk."

"Barton says what I tell him to say."

"Loki is very quiet. No moans let alone words. He sighs though." Only when he's about to release.

"Really?" Pepper is surprised. "He strikes me as the kind that would monologue during sex."

After the women laugh Darcy responds. "I thought so too, but he is very quiet."

"Well, Tony talks dirty. He's got a foul mouth outside the bedroom and it's a thousand times worse inside."

"Thor dirty talks but it's in such proper English that it makes it silly."

"We need examples!" Darcy demanded.

Jane's color reddened. "Well, he said one time 'the moisture of your quim excites the very heart of my manhood.'"

The laughter was instantaneous and loud. "How did you not laugh?!" Darcy asked. "The heart of his manhood? Oh brother. Point has to go to Tony."

Pepper wrote the point. "Staying power."

"Barton cums when I tell him too."

Darcy laughed. Barton does everything Nat tells him to!

"The longest Tony has gone has been an hour and a half."

"We haven't done it often but Loki's orgasms are weird."

Paper went down, all attention on her. "Weird how?" Nat asked. "What's weird?"

"Well for one his ejaculate is clear."

Jane nodded. "Thor's too. Apparently they can ejaculate semen without sperm."

"And it's cool." Darcy continued.

Nat and Pepper glanced at each other before Natasha asked. "Cool like awesome?"

"No cool like cold." She explained. "He himself is kind of cool to the touch."

"Maybe because he's a Frost Giant." Natasha thought out loud. "That is different."

But that wasn't all Darcy had to say on the subject. "And he can orgasm many times without actually ejaculating."

That got a response from all three women. "WHAT?"

"Thor can't do that." Jane stated. Why couldn't Thor do that?

"Maybe another Frost Giant thing." Darcy shrugged. "It makes him stay ready until I am done with him."

"Jane, can Thor top that?" Pepper asked shoving a french fry in her mouth.

"Give the point to Loki." Jane shook her head.

Pepper nodded and swallowed the fry. "Kink."

"I chain Barton to the bed at night."

"We aren't surprised by that Nat." Darcy stated flatly. "Not at all." She goes on to say, "I don't know if Loki could be considered kinky. I mean, we've made out in weird places."

"Like where?" Nat pressed. "Like outside of the home?"

"Yeah. Well, see, Loki can put up mirages so people see one thing, but we were actually doing something else."

The ladies looked back and forth at each other. Pepper cocked a brow. "Wait, you were where?"

"The Applebees on the corner."

"Darcy!" Jane sounded scandalized.

"Well in my defense, I wasn't doing anything! He was the one under the table…"

"Stop!" Jane said covering her ears. "I don't want to hear this!"

"I do." Nat said.

"Seriously." Pepper added. "So there was a mirage up making it seem like one thing but he was under the table doing… wonderful things?"

Darcy nodded emphatically. "Such wonderful things!"

Nat looked at Pepper. "We'll give you Tony a point too if you guys did it while he was wearing the suit."

Pepper covered her face in her hand to hide her embarrassment. "It was one time!"

"A point to Loki and Tony." Nat stated. "That actually doesn't surprise me."

"Romance." Pepper moved on.

"Barton…"

"Does what you tell him to do?" Darcy laughed. "That could be romantic. But romance is also spontaneous."

"Tony bought me a rabbit with boobs."

"So not romantic." Jane told her.

"I don't know, Loki is romantic but it an odd way."

"Yeah like taste testing your food." Nat realized as she said it that she might be a little jealous of that. In the world Loki came from, servants would taste test food for royalty and he was royalty. Did that mean he looked at himself as Darcy's servant? In other relationships Barton was the aggressor and it was sweet that he allowed her to lead, but Loki was a man that felt entitled which made his gesture more sentimental.

"He's always feeding me. All the time. I don't get roses or anything but one time he caused this girl to trip over nothing so I could get the last black sweater on the rack."

Pepper laughed.

"Loki is weird." Nat stated. "Really weird."

"Thor brings me flowers. And really anything I ask for."

"Thor gets a point. We need a tie breaker. Loki and Tony are tied."

"What about…. Presents." Jane offered.

"Barton gives me what I tell him to."

"Well there was the boobed rabbit. Strawberries that I'm allergic too. He once had a star named for me but I later found out it was re-gift." Pepper told them.

"How do you re-gift a star." Darcy questioned, one eye lowering in confusion.

"Tony needs help." Nat told her. "Like get him help now."

"Thor has gotten me plant life from Asgard, books from Asgard. Clothes from Asgard food from Asgard…"

"Gees, he really likes Asgard. Well Loki gets me muffins every morning. I got a new lap top but I think he stole it from Doom because there were a lot of weird pictures of the Invisible Girl in it. He conjures me coffee without me having to ask for it, like he could feel my energy levels depleting. He got me health insurance, 401K, books from other realms about their political structure. He got me free songs from ITunes, but I think he stole those too because ITunes wouldn't give 150 songs away for free. You know come to think about it, I'm not entirely sure Loki pays for anything. Is he a klepto?"

"You got all of that in two week?" Now Nat was really getting jealous.

"Yeah."

Nat turned to Pepper. "Give Loki 5 points."

000

"Loki, come sit with us brother." Thor beckoned Loki into the living room after he left Nat's kitchen. We are watching a square sponge named Bob."

Loki walked in and sat on the couch next to Steve eating his stolen plate of food. "Grown men watching cartoons." He grumbled under his breath.

"There is a delightful character that reminds me of you brother. I believe his name is Plankton. He is small and wants rule the Krabby Patty Kingdom but deep down inside, he really just wants to be seen as equal."

Loki glared at his brother. The trouble with Thor was that he never really thought about what he was saying. Calling his brother, known as the runt of Jotunheim, little and then comparing what he did to New York with what this one eyed freak did to a burger place was more than a little insulting. But then Loki looked in Thor's face and nothing in his blue eyes said jesting or cruelty. This little creature actually reminded his brother of himself.

Loki shook his head. "I have more than one eye." Was the only response he could think of that didn't include an insult.

Thor nodded. "Yes this is truth brother. But he's so cute when he's angry." Now there were glimpses of mirth in his eyes.

Loki put down his plate of food knowing this could get violent. "Cute? I am cute when I'm angry?"

"Oh yes. 'I'm going to take over Midgard,'" Thor mimicked in a small baby like voice. "'Curses to you Thor and your mortals.'" Then he started pointing the other men in the room making "pew" sounds as if they're being shot.

"My scepter did not make such ridiculous sounds."

"Yes it did little brother. You want that Krabby Patty don't you? Oh yes you want that Krabby Patty."

Loki had to fight hard not laugh at Thor's ridiculous voices and exaggerated gedstures. It reminded him of the days before his fall. "Well, if I'm Plankton. Then you are Mr. Krabs."

"Wait what?"

With a snap of the fingers Thor transformed into a larger version of Mr. Krabs with pinchers and all.

Oh how Tony loved that.

Thor was not as amused. With a mighty roar Thor jumped up to get a hold of his brother. Loki jumped up too in a fit of giggles and led Thor in a vigorous run around the living room.

"Run, Loki, run!" Barton cheered.

As Tony encouraged Thor. "Snap his head off!"

Thor caught up to Loki taking his thin neck in his claws and squeezed.

Through chokes and gasps Loki squealed out. "Give me the Krabby Patty formula."

Barton and Tony laughed hysterically.

There was no telling how long these shenanigans were going to go on but they were interrupted by Loki's phone. Thor let him go.

Loki grabbed his phone and answered it as he snapped his fingers and returned Thor to his proper form. "Hello. Yes, this is Loki. I'll accept. Doom are you in jail? Well how did that happen? I told you, you shouldn't hang out with Goblin that guy is crazy! He gets caught every time! No, I do not have a billion dollars to bail you out. No, I will not ask Captain America to break you out it goes against everything he stands for. Yes, Thor broke me out of prison. Our mother died Doom! Did your mother die? Yeah that's a no to Thor breaking you out of jail. Alright fine, I'll gather the troops, where is Goblin. HE GOT AWAY! A green deformed freak on a snowboard got away from the police but Dr. Doom stood around to get arrested? Well this is what happens when you play with someone other than me." Loki hung up. He looked at the three superheroes in the room. "Gotta go."

"WAIT!" They all yelled.

"Are you going to break Doom out of jail?" Tony questioned.

"Well yeah, we don't have a billion dollars bail."

The three heroes gave startled looks to each other, each trying to think fast. They had to find a way to keep Loki from doing such a villainous thing. Tony tried first. "Maybe you should try to gather the money first."

"I could rob a bank."

So Barton tried. "You know what; maybe we could get Goblin to admit it was him that did the deed."

"I can be convincing. Torture, blackmail, conjuring false evidence."

Thor tried to think fast. Any heroic idea that they gave to Loki, he would turn it villainous. So he did what any man would do when their brother was about to do something stupid. "DARCY!"

Darcy came running out of the kitchen at the sound of her name being bellowed. "What's going on?"

"Loki is trying to break Doom out of jail!"

"Ah snitch!" Loki yelled. "This is exactly why I keep trying to kill you."

"LOKI! That is so not what we're supposed to be doing!" Darcy screamed at him. "Not killing your brother or breaking people out of jail!"

"Well then you tell me how to get Doom out of jail when his bail it set at a billion dollars."

"A BILLION DOLLARS!" That was crazy! "We might as well rob a bank!"

"Thank you! That's what I said." At least Darcy understood his logic.

"No, this is what you're going to do. You are going to go to King Pin, he has a bunch of lawyers in his pocket. It might be shady, but it's not breaking the law. And if you deviate that plan, even one inch, I will call Bruce, turn him into the Hulk and laugh as he bashes your pretty face in. OK?"

Loki blinked then cleared his throat. "I just want to be clear. What would be considered deviation?"

"Breaking Doom out of jail, harming anyone physically, stopping for ice cream…"

"Ok, so physical harm is out. What about threatening? Can I threaten people?"

She had to think about it for a moment. "Threats are fine."

"And then I can get ice cream after?"

"Yes."

"But not before or during."

"Correct."

"You're a cold hearted woman Darcy Lewis."


	9. Chapter 9

Things were different. There was a noticeable change in the atmosphere of Avenger Towers. Everyone felt it. It wasn't just the fact that Darcy wasn't coming around anymore either, though at first that's what they all told themselves. No, it was the fact the Avenger's little brother was gone.

Sure Loki was annoying. He made a habit of visiting at inappropriate times and generally like messing with people when they seemed at their most busy, but they had come to realize how those actions affected them. There was something endearing about someone who thought about you enough to think of ways to get on your nerves.

It was in essence an act of affection.

Loki's lair had been completed and just as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone. He hadn't even said good bye. As a result, Darcy was gone as well, only coming around when Jane needed her.

Tony was the first to notice the difference. He and Pepper had started cuddling on the couch to watch a movie. They made extra popcorn and got an extra soda because any time the pair would cuddle for a move, Loki would appear.

This time he hadn't.

Then it was Thor who expected his brother to pop up while he and Jane were having dinner. Loki had never failed to miss an evening meal with them, even if he only stayed for a little while. They started making extra portions and setting plates for him.

But then he failed to show.

Barton had gone to Loki's room to vent about Natasha. Loki loved those stories and laughed at him freely but he always gave advice and listened to everything Barton had to say, even if it was repetitive.

But Loki's room had been cleaned out.

Bruce had been expecting his regular text message to come in. Every day at three o'clock, no matter what time zone he was in or how many times his changed his number, Loki found a way to text him. He would threaten him, cuss at him, belittle him and then at the end of each message Loki would ask, "Are you angry yet?" Bruce would text back, each time, "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." And Loki would send back an amusing emoticon.

But then it didn't come.

Natasha had waited for Loki in the SHIELD gym. He would come, always with Darcy, and they would fight. Either verbally or physically, Loki would attack her and she would defend herself. Sometimes she lost, but sometimes she would win. It made her sharper and entertained her for a while, taking her mind off the problems in her life.

But one day he wasn't there.

Then that time came around. Sunday brunch, with Pepper and Jane. There were no conversations really. Just the sounds of glass cups hitting the table every now and again as well as the sounds of metal forks hitting glass plates.

Darcy wasn't even there to make snarky comments. She had been opting to stay with Loki most of the time lately. She was doing a pretty good job of keeping him in line. After Doom's arrest and subsequent release, SHIELD was convinced that the Loki Rehabilitation program was working.

And how happy Loki was to find out there was a project named after him.

But Loki was the god of mischief and Steve was sure Loki had to be up to something. It wasn't that he missed him or anything, because Steve didn't really like Loki. He was annoying. Everything about him was bothersome.

Sure Loki used to pop up when he was working out and used magic to make the punching back hit him back. It's not like it made training more fun, or interesting.

"I think some is stealing my cable." Tony said suddenly. "Both my cable and light bill are very high this month."

The room went silent. "You know," Thor started. "This is exactly the kind of thing Loki would do."

"He has been quiet for a while." Natasha said. "A quiet Loki is a scheming Loki."

"I agree." Barton said. "Loki must be the villain behind this."

Pepper and Jane glanced at each other when they heard the word villain. This had to be a joke. They weren't seriously going to suit up and hunt for Loki just because he might have cable boxes in Stark's name.

"We should suit up!" Steve jumped up from his chair. "We assemble in the lobby."

The two women shook their heads as the Avenger ran out to suit up. Pepper looked at Jane. "Men are so stupid."

Jane nodded. "What's Natasha's excuse?"

Pepper shrugged. "Mob mentality?"

000

In full armor The Avenger marched into the Lobby not even sure where Loki's new lair was.

"Maybe we should call Darcy." Steve said. "She would know."

Tony shook his head. "I don't think so. They are a couple."

Natasha put a fresh round of bullets in her gun. "She's turned. She might be complicit in the stealing of Iron Man's cable."

"Then we get to Doom." Thor said. "He'd know where my brother hides as he too would assist Loki with this treason."

They went to go, but Tony noticed something odd. "Hey guys. Since when do we have a down button on this elevator?"

"What do you mean?" Natasha asked.

"There is an arrow pointing down but this is the ground floor."

"We should investigate." Barton said. "But everyone stay sharp. This could one of Loki's tricks."

They entered the elevator and pressed the button with a horned helmet on it. Elevator music came on and accompanied them the whole way down. When the doors opened, they slowly entered he premises. There, beyond the glass barrier, was Loki and Darcy sitting in what appeared to be a living room watching television in their pajamas.

Loki and Darcy turned to them as they entered. Tony looked to the television. "Did you add these cable boxes under my name?"

Loki nodded. "Yeah."

Suddenly Iron Man's armor activated, missiles and lasers point at Loki. With a raised brow Loki looked at Darcy who shrugged.

"Alright, I'll play along." Loki stood up, his magic flickered and suddenly he was wearing his green and black armor along with his helmet. He took a deep breath. "I am Loki, from… whatever." He sighed. "Look guys it's still kind of early and we had a long night…"

Suddenly Steve raised his shield, Natasha cocked her gun and Barton had an arrow set on him. "What about the lights? Are you using my juice?"

Loki nodded. "Well… yes."

The Avengers exchanged glances. "Well cut that cable wire." Steve demanded. "And turn off all these lights."

Loki blinked. "No."

The Avengers glanced at each other again. "Well, how about you pay a portion of the bills?"

Loki turned to look at Darcy. "So? I don't know do I kill them or shoot them? Do we just pay a bill? Do villains have to pay bills?"

Darcy couldn't help but laugh. He looked so very flabbergasted. "Um, given the choices, I say, pay the bills."

He looked back at the Avengers still with guns, arrows and missiles pointed at him. With another shimmer Loki was back in his pajamas with his hands raised. "I surrender. You have foiled my plans to… watch… HBO."

The missiles, guns and arrows lowered. "Alright." Thor said. "But listen well brother. We are not on Asgard. Here we must pay bills and follow the laws."

Loki nodded. "Yeah, I totally understand. I crossed the line with the cable."

The Avengers filtered out but Tony turned back around. "We have brunch up stairs, you know, if you guys are hungry."

There is was, Darcy now understood. She rolled her eyes as Tony left. Loki turned to look at her. "What was that about?"

Really? He didn't get it? He was a villainous super villain/hero and yet he didn't understand what that was all about?

"Loki, they missed you."

"Missed me?" Both words were familiar to Loki but using them together seemed to perplex him.

"Yeah. They came down here to get you to go to brunch."

"Why didn't they just send me text message?"

"Because they didn't know how to tell you." She explained as she stood up and tippy toed to wrap her arms around his neck. "They consider you a friend."

"So, I guess I have to pay my portion of the cable bill huh?"

"Yup. And Con Ed."

"Midgard is so silly. I am a prince!"

"Of Yodelers."

"Jotunheim. Really Darcy, you should learn the name you might be queen of it one day." He stepped away to go get ready for brunch.

She was now the one flabbergasted. Queen? Did he intend to make her a queen? He never said he loved her. But then, he really didn't need to. His actions said everything. From the way he gave her gifts, to how he held her at night, to how he respected her wish not to go all the way, despite lying in bed naked together, he showed her all the time.

But how did she feel about that? Did she want to be the Queen of Loki the supervillain? But then was he even Loki the supervillain any more. Just a few moments ago he stood with almost every Avenger standing in front of him ready to attack and he didn't even feel like giving a monologue.

She was still standing in the living room when he came back out. He was still in pajamas but his hair was brushed and he smelled like toothpaste. "Are you coming?" He asked holding out his hand.

She looked at his hand for a moment, those long fingers out stretched to her. With a smile, she grasped his hand. "Yeah."


	10. Chapter 10

Summary: Doom proves to be a good friend. Loki is more like Odin than he thought. Odin loves Loki. That pesky Thanos problem is taken care of.

No beta.

This one mentions torture by fire.

It's the start of some feels but still some crackiness.

Doom sighed. Loki was going to kill him if he found out. No, not just kill him, fillet him and make potions with his eyes and liver. That's what he did with Red Skull's eyes. Darcy unknowingly wears it around her neck for protection.

But Loki was his friend and he was in trouble and like in all things, Loki was treating this as a joke. They both knew Thanos would come eventually since Loki failed in his plans. Silver Surfer came just a week ago to warn Loki that Thanos knew where Loki was and was coming for blood.

Loki shrugged and told Doom to take care of his Little Mortal. And each time Doom tried to talk about it, Loki dismissed him without seeming to be very invested in the situation.

But then, Loki started acting weird. He was cranky and irritable, which Doom wrote off as Loki being afraid. Thanos did a number on Loki. His friend wasn't that forth coming about it, but he knew Loki learned to control fire while in captivity which meant where ever he was, it was hot. Probably not that comfortable for a Frost Giant.

And then it moved to Loki sleeping all the time. Darcy said Loki, who usually slept only two hours a night, was sleeping a full eight hours and was still tired.

And he was eating a lot, as if storing up energy. Now Doom didn't know much about Loki's biology but the man was a snacker, not an eater. He would snack throughout the day. Whatever he saw someone else eating, he wanted a piece. Now he was eating meals, sometimes two at a time.

Doom wasn't sure what to do so he found himself at the Avengers Towers knocking on the door unsure of even what to say. It could be a coincidence that Loki was taking ill at the same time Thanos planned to kill him but Doom didn't believe in coincidence.

It was Thor who opened the door all smiles and white teeth. "Doom! Have you come looking for Loki? If so you have just missed him. He and Darcy went to SHIELD. Now, Fury can only tolerate Loki but for a short time, so I am certain it will be a quick visit."

Thor was a talkative fellow. Doom supposed it made him endearing. He was so different from Loki, not better, just different. "I know, I waited from them to leave."

"Oh? Why?"

"I was hoping to speak to you and who ever from the Avengers are available." Doom responded. "It is important."

Thor frowned. "Come in. We were just about to order something for lunch."

Doom followed Thor into the kitchen where Tony, Jane and Pepper sat looking through menus. The three looked up at Doom with curious faces until Thor explained. "Doom wishes to speak to us about something. He says it is important."

"Really? Does Loki know you're here?" Tony asked. "He usually likes to keep his superhero friends away from his villain friends."

"For the record, I am a super villain," Doom clarified. "For two I am well aware of that. But as you said, we are all his friends and that is why I have come. Loki is in trouble."

Thor frowned. "What kind of trouble?"

"I don't know how much you've been told about his attempt to rule Earth." Doom started. "I know Loki sometimes speaks in riddles."

"Well," Pepper started. "We all chalked it up to a temper tantrum."

"Yes well, that might be some of it. His rage about the situation was real, his reasons were not. After Loki fell into the worm hole Loki was found by Thanos and he… persuaded… him to give him the Gauntlet in exchange for a kingdom. He chose Earth knowing that it was under the protection of Thor and purposefully used SHIELD agents knowing the Avengers Initiative would be used and he would be taken back to Asgard where Thanos wouldn't go."

"But Loki sent off the Gauntlet while disguised as our Father." Thor explained. "We know not where."

"And what exactly is persuaded?" Pepper questioned. "He has made it clear that he was tortured but…"

"Yes in an effort to keep Asgard from being destroyed Loki got the stone away." Doom responded to Thor first. "He also freed your friends from jail then split mostly because Odin wanted to wring his neck but also because you were here. And what is a villain without his superhero. As for what exactly happened, I am not sure. But I know Thanos is an expert torture and enjoys bringing people to the cusp of death."

"So now I take it Thanos is coming for Loki." Jane sighed. "We'll have to get Darcy away from him before Thanos comes."

"That's been taken care of. Both Loki and I have spells on her, she's fine but oblivious. As is he about my coming here. I wish it to stay that way in both accounts."

"Loki doesn't want help?" Tony questioned. "He must realize that we'd help him."

"Loki isn't stupid. He does nothing by chance. He could have moved in with me when his lair blew up but instead he moved in with some of the strongest heroes he knows. He then made sure the powerful villains he knew, knew the Avengers. He surrounded himself with people that would protect him." Doom started. "But I don't know if you noticed, Loki doesn't fear death. He's done it before, a few times. The problem is, at the same time this is happening, Loki has been showing signs of illness."

"He has been tired lately." Thor agreed.

"Now I don't know if it's because of Thanos that he's not feeling well or if it's an unrelated illness but what I do know that if Thanos attacks now, while Loki is sick, Loki doesn't stand a chance on his own."

"But if Loki can't know about this, what can we do?" Tony asked. "He says it all the time, he does what he wants."

"Just keep him close. The more people who are around at the time of the attack the better." Doom stated. "When he leaves the towers I will be with him."

"Thank you Doom." Thor started. "For telling us abo…."

Before Tony could finish Steve, Loki and Darcy appeared through the door. "Hey guys." Steve said looking bewilderingly at Doom standing in the kitchen. "Fury said to keep Loki out of SHIELD or he's going to call his father."

Loki snorted. "I don't even have a father."

"Join the club." Tony added.

"Doom? What are you doing here?" Loki questioned.

For all of Doom's villainy, he couldn't come up with a lie fast enough. "Um…."

"We invited him." For all of Tony's superhero-ness, he was able to lie easily.

"Why?" Loki frowned. "I'm the only villain allowed at this superhero table."

Darcy sensing something wasn't from the stutters around the room quickly added. "He scheduled for lunch with you. They figured you guys would like to eat here."

Loki looked at her, eyebrow arched. He was too tired to call her on her lie at this moment, but before the end of the day he would speak to his Little Mortal about lying to the god of lies. "Alright I'm going to go wash up."

As he left Darcy turned to the group. "Someone want to tell me what's going on."

Doom shook his head. "No. Not really. You should check on him though."

"Is that villain code for leave the room so I can fill Captain America in?"

"Yes." And they say villains were dishonest.

"I know when I'm not wanted." Darcy looked at Jane. "Take notes you'll be quizzed when Dr. Doomy leaves."

After Darcy left, they filled in Steve who sent out messages to Natasha, Barton and Bruce.

000

TEXTING

Steve to PRIVATE AVENGERS NUMBERS: Loki is in trouble. Thanos is coming to kill him.

Bruce to PRIVATE AVENGER NUMBERS: I'm flying ASAP

Natasha to PRIVATE AVENGER NUMBERS: Kill him like murder or kill like just toss him around a little bit?

Barton to PRIVATE AVENGER NUMBERS: Does it matter!

Natasha to PRIVATE AVENGER NUMBERS: …

Barton to PRIVATE AVENGER NUMBERS: NAT!

Natasha to PRIVATE AVENGER NUMBERS: Alright! I'm on my way

000

Darcy and Loki came back and they settled on Japanese food. The food hadn't even arrived before Loki was nodding off, his head in his hands.

Darcy was worried, though she would never tell Loki that. She had watched her normally strong healthy boyfriend get weaker and weaker as the week worn on. She leaned in close to him "Are you ok?"

His eyes opened slowly and he looked at her. "I'm fine."

She gasped. "Oh my God your eyes. They're red."

Her panicked voice caught the attention of everyone at the table.

Loki frowned before he noticed his hands turning blue.

Oh no.

Why was the spell fading? The spell to keep him in his Asgardian form wasn't taking on his magic at all. He didn't even have to think about it to keep it up.

He could not turn Frost Giant here. He never wanted anyone to see his true form, not Thor and especially not Darcy. He rose from the chair in a panic looking to his brother as if Thor could help him. Thor looked back, looking at his brother in his true form for the first time. Though he always knew his brother was a Frost Giant, he never truly believed it. but now, he saw it. His baby brother changing into beings they were taught to hate and he suddenly realized why Loki was angry and felt so isolated.

He wasn't at all Asgardian.

Loki tried to teleport but he couldn't summon his magic. He was breathing hard, his head started to pound and everything was going black. His red eyes rolled into his head and his body gave out.

Out of instinct, Steve reached out and caught Loki before he hit the floor. Darcy squealed before running to his side trying to wake him up despite his now very alien appearance.

They rushed to him trying to figure out what was wrong when suddenly a bright light appeared out the window. Tony summoned his armor, Thor summoned his hammer and Steve grabbed his shield. Darcy stayed near Loki, confused as Jane and Pepper grabbed knives. What did they know that she didn't?

Doom stood in front of all of them in his fighting stance as they waited. They could hear the heavy footsteps approaching.

The door opened slowly.

And then,

Odin appeared.

Thor gasped. "Father! What are you doing here!"

"I killed Thanos." Was Odin's quick reply.

Everyone gasped before sighing in some relief. Except for Darcy "Thanos!" Darcy stood up. "The guy that Loki tricked?"

"Yes that one." Odin stepped forward. "You must be Loki's new minion. He's always liked curvy women. Must be his giant blood." He looked down at his youngest son in his true form lovingly. "I should kick him. That little snot ball."

Tony snorted.

"Father, Loki is ill."

"No, he's asleep." Odin smiled, almost proudly. "Lokisleep actually."

"Lokisleep?" Thor looked confused.

"Indeed." He bent down and cupped Loki's head with his thumb rubbing his forehead. Just as he had when he first touched Loki in that temple over a thousand years ago, the top of his head changed to a pale complexion, his red eye turning green as he opened them.

He looked at his father for a moment before turning into the man's touch. "I'm tired." Loki confessed.

"I know son." Odin answered. "Just go to sleep."

Loki's eyes closed before Odin took his youngest son up in his arms and carried him to the couch.


	11. Chapter 11

Odin looked down at Loki who was lying in the bed in his lair. The liar was nice. It was a nice mix of Asgardian drapery, with a Midgardian layout and a Jotun inspired ice throne which Doom was keeping cold.

It was something so uniquely Loki.

He looked so innocent when asleep but he knew better. He, single handed robbed his son of his innocence.

Despite what people thought about him as far as being a father, he knew his son. He knew what he was capable of and what he could take. And he couldn't take another run in with Thanos.

Loki was always a little snot. Even for a Jotun, he was never quite right.

He remembered when he first saw Loki. It was the cries that drew him to the temple. The scared, hungry, desperate cry of a child abandoned, stared for affection and attention. And then he saw him, chubby and fussy. It should have seemed repulsive, but no. He thought the child was beautiful and though a runt for a Jotun, his magic was strong. As soon as he held him, the child changed his form to please him.

When he took him home, and the doctors tended to him, Frigga took to the child quickly but Loki cried constantly unless being held by Odin. It was endearing. Thor took to the child as well and they named him Loki.

The child was a little too knowing. There was something in his eyes that Thor didn't have. It was as if he could read people and based on what he saw, was the type of Loki the person got. If he didn't like you, you got a hand full of poop or spit. Poor Heimdall never looked at children the same way again.

Once the child was able to move, he was everywhere, ever curious and interested in what was around him. If he wanted a treat, and he was denied, he would cause people to trip or tables would suddenly blow up so he could get the treat.

And was he ever in search for entertainment. While Thor was more interested in building things, he was more into destroying things. His favorite pass time was undoing whatever cleaning Frigga did. He would wait for her to realize, all attention on her reaction, and laugh hysterically when she saw it.

He would make his dolls come to life and chase Thor around. Odin the father thought it was hilarious. Odin the King had to at least attempt to put a stop to it.

When he was able to talk, there was no stopping him. The stories he would tell to get him and Thor got in trouble was so convoluted and outlandish it was hard not to believe him. People never knew if they should believe him or not and as a result what started happening was people just stopped listening to Loki.

In hindsight that was a terrible thing to do. Taking away his voice, which was his most powerful tool, was cruel. They, collectively, told Loki was he said didn't matter and that left him only with actions to communicate.

Loki was very different from Thor. It wasn't that he favored Thor, it was that he didn't understand Loki. It had nothing to do with his lies, truth be told, Frigga was a good trickster as well. She taught Loki everything he knew and Odin was proud of his son. But Thor embodied Asgard, and no matter how he tried to steer Loki into Asgardian ways, he was still very different and different was bad in Asgard and reflected that he and Frigga in some way failed as parents.

Hindsight again. He should have listened to Frigga, told him of his parentage but showed him that he was still one of them.

His fondness for curvy women and his aversion to petite lady-like women was proof of his Jotun ways. And his thirst for adventure was very Asgardian. But there were other things that confused Loki. Asgardian males had magic, but not as strong as Loki's. Asgardian men, even Jotun men, were bigger and he seemed to appear more Dark Elf stature.

Dark Elves are private people, so is Loki. Dark Elves are quicker to use their words than actions to solve problems. And if he was in fact half Dark Elvin, that made him twice the enemy of Asgardians.

But Odin never saw Loki as an enemy. Loki was his child and he intended to give Loki a kingdom, but his child was right. It would not have been an Asgardian Throne. That was always going to be given to his first born.

Once Loki became of age, he appealed to Dark Elvin women. He actually had more requests for Loki's hand than Thor's. More than likely, it was because people knew Thor didn't have to married to sleep with a woman. Loki was more choosey. He was harder to get and Elves, whether dark or light, liked privacy.

The rage he felt Thor took him to Jotunhiem was unreal. It's what propelled him to send Thor to Midgard. This wasn't the first time betraying his commands. Thor was always brash, but all Odin could think about, was what Laufey would do when he realized what happened to his child. Would they come for him? Would they try to kill him as they felt he deserved. Why would he put his younger brother in such danger?

He knew what was going to happen to Loki had he not taken him. Loki would have been left there to die and with his magic being as it was, it would have taken a lot longer, because Loki was a fighter in a way that Thor wasn't. Thor would never have been able to survive what Thanos did to Loki.

And then there was Loki, crying and breaking apart in front of him. If only he could have pushed away Odinsleep another day. If only he could have finished that conversation, he would have made Loki understand and see that he never was never beneath Thor. He was the other half of Thor. Where Thor had physical strength, he had mental. They would have been side by side, ruling both Asgardians and the Dark Elves and maybe together rule Jotunheim and then peace would follow.

But every word he had said to the boy Loki twisted around. He was already so hurt that there was no convincing him with words and Odin was never very good with words. Yes, Odin took the boy because he had thought to unite the two kingdoms, but there was no way, after 1000 years of Loki hiding his crown, taking needle point lessons with Frigga so the women would fawn over him, and generally being able to put Thor in his place, did he still regard Loki in that way. Why couldn't' he just let those words out.

And then he fell. No… he let go. Not because of Thor, or Frigga or even because of his true parentage, but because of his own words. Why couldn't he just say something loving? Why did he always have to be so emotionally stilted? How he wanted to take that back. He had told his son no, "Loki No" was his exact words. He wanted to say no, he hadn't needed to destroy a planet to be loved. That is not at all what came out. Right then, he was so disappointed with himself but he could see why Loki thought his father was disappointed at him. Watching Loki fall, not knowing where his son would land and if he'd be alive, kept him up at night.

And then New York happened. And he thought Loki was just being a brat. He thought he just wanted to hurt him by hurting what Loki thought Odin loved the most. If only he knew. Thor was given to him, but he chose Loki.

When Loki returned to Asgard he was so cocky. So full of hatred and Odin was so angry he said some of the worse things he could have said to his son. In truth, Frigga didn't need to fight hard to keep him alive and he knew Frigga wouldn't stay away from her prodigy. He just wanted Loki to snap out of it. To realize that he was home and there was no reason to keep fighting. He wanted Loki to see the intent behind his actions were wrong. Maybe he should have just said that instead of always being a king first and father second.

But then Frigga died and all he wanted was blood. When the guards came to ask if they should tell Loki, he wanted to continue to be angry with him, but the truth was, even though Thor was her blood, Loki was more like Frigga and a reminder of her. Loki's temperament, abilities, word choices, where all Frigga. He was all Odin had left her.

He told the guard not to tell him that the Queen died but that he mother died. Yes, Loki was still family. Without Frigga there, there was no one to translate his words for him. He would have to do it himself.

And then they broke Loki out, and he knew they were going to face danger and part of him was happy they were side by side again, but he worried. And when the guard came and told him Loki was dead, he realized he could never make it better. He failed them all by thinking being a king was more important.

And then it happened. The little snot locked him away in a cell and put a cloak of invisibility over it. And then sat on his throne, leaning to side, OWNING it! And what was wrong with Thor! Couldn't he tell from the bored look on his face when he sat down that wasn't him? Odin would never slouch on the throne. A thousand years together and Thor couldn't tell?

He could see why Loki would get frustrated dealing with him. He loved his son to pieces but he could be so dense.

When he got out that cell, he was going to blast him with his staff. Not a powerful one, just one that would knock him on his butt and remind him he was still a child! Frigga would never let him beat him as a kid no matter how Loki acted out. He wished on this one he would have given Loki the thumping he needed follow by a healthy dose of, you're a jerk but I love you because of it not despite it.

And then he had a dream, given to him by Frigga, which showed what Thanos did to him and how close he was to finding him. Odin wouldn't let it happen again. He would make things right with Loki.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he knew Loki was approaching the age when Frost Giants start their sleeping in. They would eat and store up food and sleep for a few days, maybe a week and then awaken refreshed and energetic. It happened mostly to Giants that lived in warmer climates to get them ready for summer. And he knew Thanos knew and would strike then.

So despite the danger he put his realm in, he hunted Thanos and killed him. For once, he chose his family over being a king.

Now he lay sleeping, storing up energy for the Midgardian summer that would take a lot of energy to keep him cool. And he had a slew of superheroes watching over him and a Midgardian woman who was not only pretty but didn't seem particularly disturbed by his sudden blueness.

And don't get him started on Doom. It would make sense he would befriend Loki. He didn't have to be evil all day with a guy who just wanted to be noticed.

He sighed as he left his son's side determined to repair that relationship.

000

"So…. Anyone want to talk about how Loki's blue?" Tony had no tact and everyone knew it but it still caught them by surprise every so often.

"I want to talk about how freaked out he was about it." Natasha pointed out. "I mean he looked really freaked out."

Thor sighed. "Yes. Being a Frost Giant is like being a monster on Asgard. I have never seen him in this form."

"And does it change anything?" Bruce asked fresh from his flight and happy Thanos was taken care of. "I mean, that is the whole reason why Loki went crazy."

"It changes nothing. I don't know why I never had him show me before."

"Because it's weird." Tony stated.

"Well he is an alien." Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Still weird."

"I've seen worse." Doom pointed out. "Being blue sure beats being silver."

"Oh yeah." Tony agreed. "Is he always naked? Or is the silver like his armor?"

Nat punched his arm. "You are such an idiot."

000

It had been over three days and Darcy was getting antsy. She wanted him to wake up, look at her, and give her that smile that makes her heart skip a beat and her stomach flutter.

He was still blue and she was happy about that because she knew he would never willingly change back to his natural form again and she wanted to memorize every line that decorated his body. She wondered if it was a generic form or if his lines were unique. She touched them thinking they were softer than she thought they'd be. And his skin was cold, like a freezer.

He looked so peaceful. She wondered if he were dreaming of anything. She wondered if she'd be in them.

She was worried. Earth was never Loki's first choice to live. No, he wanted to go back to Asgard, everyone knew it. Earth was just the least likely place where he'd be killed. Now Odin was here singing songs of forgiveness. Would Loki go back home? Would he leave her?

She sighed and placed a kiss on his forehead. She would miss him when he goes.

000

Tony and Thor sat eating everything they could that was on the brunch table. Pepper and Jane just sat there shaking their heads. It had been a quiet morning. Banner went back to wherever it was he stayed and Nat and Barton went to their love nest, wherever that was. Darcy finally went to sleep in a real bed instead of that chair and they talked Doom into letting the shield he kept around Loki go so he could rest.

Odin for the most part had been solitary, coming and going from Asgard as he needed. So it was a bit of a surprised when he walked in holding his stomach. "What is this Midgardian feast?"

"It's brunch father!" Thor answered. "It is most delicious."

Odin sat in a vacant chair picking at the food. "This is disgusting. Look at all this disgusting Midgardian food. It is not suitable for a king."

"Father…" Thor tried to start. But Odin cut him off.

"Silence! I demand one of you goats go prepare a meal fit for a king." Odin yelled pointing at Jane and Pepper.

Tony was not going to allow Odin, even if he was a king, to disrespect Pepper. Before he could speak a bright light appeared at the door way and a blast of energy swooshed through the room hitting Odin and knocking him on his butt.

They all looked at the door to see… Odin.

Well that wasn't right. They looked back at the Odin on the floor and saw that familiar green flash and the Odin on the floor turned into Loki on the grinning wildly.

"You little snot balling, piss taking, intolerable twit!" Odin yelled down to his son. "That is the last time you lock me up!"

"You shot me!" Loki did look generally surprised. "I'm your son!"

"Ha!" Tony laughed. He seems to pull that card only when he needed it.

Loki stood up. He looked taller, leaner, his eyes greener. He looked good.

The noise of Loki hitting the floor woke Darcy who made her way to the kitchen. She squealed in delight at the site of Loki standing there looking like a maniac at Odin who was holding his staff and shaking his head.

Upon Darcy's squeal, Loki turned and held out his arms. "Little Mortal!"

Darcy jumped into his arms so relieved to see him up and happy. "You're awake!"

"I am and I am ready to take over the world. Figuratively speaking? Of course, sure. Right. Not literally. Or maybe literally."

Darcy laughed.

She released his neck and with a snap of his fingers she was dressed in a green ball gown and a crown with green gems.

"Brother, we think it best if we speak…"

"I have no time to speak. "Come my queen, let us rule!"

Tony sighed as they disappeared. "Should we be concerned that he said he's going to take over the world?"

Odin snorted. "He didn't say which world. Let's hope he's gone to rule the dwarves." Odin looked at the spread before him rubbing his stomach. "What is this Midgardian feast?"

000

She knew he seemed to be a bit energetic. They were teleporting everywhere and anywhere she requested. She actually felt like a queen! He fed her until she could barely take another bite and then whisked her to the most romantic places around the world where they took selfies.

By midday she was hankering for a snack. "Let's get ice cream cones."

"If my Little Mortal Queen wants ice cream, then she will get the finest ice cream! And no cone will suffice!" With a flick of his wrist, Central Park turned into one large ice cream sundae. The trees were long cones, the benches were like ice cream sandwhiches.

She knew she should tell him to stop, but the people in the park seemed perfectly fine with this. They were eating the ice cream! At his encouragement, Darcy licked at trees along with the other people. Bringing joy to people all over central park couldn't possibly a villainous thing could it?

Fury was the deciding factor in that when he sent The Avengers to capture Loki. It didn't help the Avenger's cause though when Iron Man starts licking at benches and Doom added syrup on the grass.

Captain throws his hands up. "Loki, you can't just turn Central Park into ice cream!"

"Why not?" Valid question.

"Because it's disruptive! And Darcy, you are supposed to be…"

"Don't you dare speak to the Queen this way! If you wish to speak to her you should kneel before her."

"Are you back on that kneeling thing again? Seriously what are you guys even ruling? There is no kingdom. Where is your kingdom?"

Loki and Darcy glanced at each other trying to find something that they could rule. With pride, Darcy placed a hand on her hip. "The Yodeling Yogurts!"

Loki smiled brilliantly. "Yes! The Yodeling Yogurts."

Steve though it was official; Loki had pulled Darcy into the dark side. Maybe it was more accurate to say he pulled her into the dark side with lamps for occasional goodness. That didn't make sense either. Did he pull her into the light where there were shades of darkness where they could do no so great things? Gees, was Loki even an enemy?

Full of ice cream Tony shook his head and wiping his lips. "You guys are nuts."

"That just might be." Loki admitted. "But it is irrelevant. I hope you guys are rested because today is officially the day of the Yodeling Yogurts!"

"I wanna come!" Doom came running over and the three of them disappeared.

The Avengers realized he was going to have them chasing him all day.

Tony shrugged. "At least he turned everything back to normal."

Steve looked around at the sad faces of the people who were eating the ice cream. He suddenly felt like party pooper.


	12. Chapter 12

Pepper and Darcy sat in the living room crocheting rugs. It was one of Darcy's favorite past times but since Loki came into her life; she hadn't had the time, especially since his awakening from Lokisleep. Loki took her all over the world and showed her things she had never seen before. At each place he did something as ridiculous as turning Central Park to Ice Cream. She didn't know who was worse, Loki for his ideas or Doom for his encouragement.

But today Loki was with Doom having some quality time which Loki explained meant Doom whining about his on again off again relationship with Fantastachick. Things had become a bit of a problem after her pregnancy scare. That was an exciting little week they had. Doom was terrified of becoming a father and summoned Loki at all hours to cry about it. Loki, for his part, never lost his temper and was always comforting.

Well… as comforting as Loki can be.

"Where's Tony?" Darcy asked. "He never leaves when you're home."

Pepper smiled. "I know, but his boyfriend is in town."

"Gees Banner is here? I better keep Loki in his lair."

"No leave him out. It's fun to count the seconds before he Hulk's out."

Darcy smiled. "I've never seen Loki run so fast in my life!"

"I know! He didn't even think to teleport."

"I don't think he actually expect Hulk to come out. Banner usually composes himself much better."

Pepper was happy the subject of Loki came up. Now she had a way to ask about her relationship with him without sounding nosey. "How are things with you and Loki?"

"I don't know." Darcy frowned. "Odin's been trying to talk to Loki but Loki always makes some excuse. Thor can't even catch a moment with him. I think he's embarrassed about his blueness."

"I can see that, but it's actually not that scary." Pepper commented. "I mean, it's not like he had extra arms or eyes. That would be freaky."

"I know right! But he won't even talk about it. And to be honest, that isn't even the thing I really want to talk to him about."

"What is?"

"I'm not sure what we even are anymore. I mean, before the Lokisleep thing, we would make out all the time. We had agreed not to go all the way until he was sure he wasn't going to die but now he won't really let me touch him too much. But then he keeps calling me his Little Mortal Queen. And then, ok, so what if he and Odin makes up and he's allowed back into Asgard? Then what? Everyone knows that's where Loki wants to be."

Pepper frowned. "I don't know Darce, he seems to be in love with you. Maybe he thinks you feel differently about him now that he went blue. And as far as him going to Asgard, he has friends here and from what I've heard no one really liked him on Asgard."

"That's true." Darcy admitted, but for some reason, it didn't comfort her.

Pepper was about to give another piece of advice but all of a sudden a silver light appeared from the ceiling and Loki came falling through it. Pepper and Darcy let out a yelp before they realized what was happened.

"Meanie Beanie are you alright? What the heck happened?"

Loki picked himself up from the floor. "I don't think Doom wants to play with me anymore." His green eyes fixed on the ladies. "What are you beautiful mortals doing? You appear to be making rugs?"

Pepper arched a dark blonde brow. "How do you know?"

"Mother liked to make things for Odin. I used to crash her wool parties. There was a woman there with the biggest breasts I had ever seen." Pepper laughed as he plopped on the couch next to Darcy. "Pass me canvas I want to see if I remember how to do it."

Darcy and Pepper watched with interest as Loki's long fingers fumbled with the long needle. After a few clumsy hoops Loki started getting into the rhythm of it.

After a few moments Thor and Odin came walking in and stopped short at Loki sitting on the couch making a rug.

"Um Loki…" That was Thor. "What are you doing?"

"Making a carpet. What are you doing?"

"Watching my brother make a carpet."

Odin stepped into the room and looked down at what Loki was doing. "Oh yes, Frigga used to do this. You know, in her wool class, there was this one woman with breasts that were bigger than anything I've seen in all 9 realms."

Thor nodded. "I remember her. It's hard not to." Thor settled in the chair across from the couch.

"Loki do you remember her?" Odin questioned. "When you are younger you were always asking her to pick you up. I knew then the kind of man you would be."

Loki smiled still making stitches in the canvas. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Oh please!" Odin laughed. "You think I didn't see your eyes always wondering in court. All those beautiful little ladies in a room and you always managed to get to the curviest woman there."

"Curves are important Odin. Who wants to lay with a board?"

It was at this point that Pepper and Darcy realized their crochet party was turning into something very weird. Listening to a father and his two sons talk about their preferences in breasts were weird.

"Some of those ladies were very nice." Thor defended remembering the ones he uses to bed.

"Please! I am a greedy man, what am I do with those tiny handfuls? I have no attraction for bones. I like a woman of substance."

Odin snorted. "That is exactly why Frigga and I had such a hard time picking a wife for you."

"You were looked for a wife from me?" Loki was shocked. He never even thought about a wife really. Well, until Darcy.

"Of course!" Odin answered. "We assumed Thor would wed Sif but there were no Asgardian woman that held your interest longer than a rump in the library."

Darcy arched a brow.

"Then those dark elves started coming. Every day there were new requests." Odin remembered. "I mean at one point, Frigga had to send an envoy to appeal to them not to send any more women."

"I didn't know that." Loki never thought about dating a dark elf but considering his magical abilities, he could see why one would want to be with him.

"They weren't even worth your time trust me. Snotty little stick women. None of them were worthy of you."

Loki stopped stitching, a look of shock on his face. He didn't think Odin thought of him that much. He didn't think Elven royalty as good enough for him? The bastard Prince?

"But now you got this buxom beauty here! All dark hair and light eyes. Who would have though a mortal could contain chaos."

Loki stood up sharply. "NO MORTAL CAN CONTAIN ME!"

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Meanie Beanie sit down!"

Loki plopped back down. "Sorry."

Odin and Thor laughed.

"Ah don't fret son." Odin waved it off. "A woman keeping an eye on your back is better than having 1000 warriors behind you."

A sad face came quickly to Odin before disappearing. Thor missed it but Loki did not.

"Come father," Loki stood up not realizing he didn't call him Odin. "I have been fighting with this spell. Perhaps you can assist me."

Thor followed behind them leaving Pepper and Darcy alone again.

Pepper looked down at her canvas. "Alien men are just as big of pigs as Earth men."

Darcy laughed.

000

Thor quickly lost interest in all the magic talk Odin and Loki were doing so he went off in search of better entertainment.

The smell of magic was rich in the air and it reminded Odin so much of Frigga. His set up was similar to Frigga's too, with gems, stones and potion bottles up on the cabinets. Loki was standing in front of a work table, focused on the ball of fire that he was apparently trying to manipulate. Odin waited for the fire to go out.

"Loki. I wanted to talk to you about something."

Loki took a beat as he reached for a spell book. "Odin, we should leave things be."

"Leave things be?" Odin questioned. "Loki, this is not how things were meant to be."

"Right. Because my birthright was to die." Loki turn to face him fully.

Odin closed his eyes. Those words haunted him long after he said that. "So I might… I have done and said somethings that I regret. "

"I see."

"When I said your birthright was to die it wasn't true."

"But then I becoming king of Asgard isn't true either." Loki spit out.

Odin tried to choose his words carefully. "But that was never because you were less than Thor."

"No it's because I'm Jotun."

"No, it's because you were second born." Odin explained.

Loki raised a brow. "So if I kill Thor I can be king of Asgard?"

"No! Loki the answer to everything is not kill Thor."

"Shall I get someone else?" Loki put on his sarcastic smirk. "Doom was very upset that Thor took the last Poptart this morning."

This was always when Odin would start to get frustrated with Loki. The snide comments and snarky attitude could be annoying. "Loki, do you even want to rule Asgard?!"

Loki opened his mouth to say something smart but then he put his head down. "No."

"Then… You are so frustrating! Just like your mother! She used to do this crap to my all the time. 'Odin I did not want to go to council I just wanted to be invited!' 'Odin I don't want the last piece of meat, I just want to be offered.'"

"Well maybe you should start offering things." Loki suggested.

"Perhaps." Odin sighed.

Loki licked his lips. "You really think I'm like mother?"

"Very much so. I see more of her in you than in Thor."

Loki nodded. "Then you are only here with me to be closer to her?"

"STOP TWISTING MY WORDS!" Odin screamed. "You did this same thing before. You are my son. You. Are. My. Son."

"Then speak plain English. You tell me you took me for purposes of uniting kingdoms and now that didn't matter! Is that not what you said?" Loki's ability to be angry but not scream was something that always unsettled Odin.

"I meant that the reason wasn't important any more. You were and still are family. Loki, I killed Thanos for you."

"I killed Lauefy for you."

"Yes, you did." Odin admitted.

Loki walk to his chair. "Everything I've ever done has been for you. I no longer live for you."

"But now I live for you."

Loki had no response for that.

"Loki I saw you long before you tried to kill a whole race. I saw you when you first bested Thor with your magic. I saw you when you first blew up Frigga's work room. I saw you grew your first tooth and when you first took a step. I saw your first words and I saw you as you lay in that temple abandoned and alone."

It took a few beats before Loki answered. "I don't want to be adopted. I don't want to be Jotun."

Odin sighed and walked towards Loki. "Frigga and I wanted more children. We tried and she carried a child but lost it. Then we got news that she wouldn't be able to have more children. You were a blessing to us Loki. Laufey may not have wanted you, thought you weak but I saw your strength and knew you would be good at whatever you put your mind to."

"Turned out to be villainy." Loki smiled.

"But what a villain you were. They needed 5 people and Thor to stop you. And in the end it took a Hulk and all he did was give you a few cuts and bruises."

Loki smiled and nodded. "It hurt though." He admitted. "Took me a while to move."

"But you moved."

Loki wasn't sure what to say now. He wanted to believe Odin but then he wasn't the only one that had believed him beneath Thor. But then, even Thor thought that. "Know your place" wasn't the worst of what he had said to him.

Lost in thought, it took Loki a moment to realize that something warm was touching his hand. When he looked down it was Odin's hand. It was the first time Odin had touched him in over three years.

"If you want to come home, the door is open."

Loki was at a loss for words.

Outside the room, Darcy was at a loss for words too but not at a loss for tears. She knew it. Loki was going to leave her.

000

Loki was uninterestedly throwing shots of magic at Iron Man who was trying to magic proof his suit. Barton was sitting across from him chattering away about Natasha. What was it about him that other men felt the need to tell him about their lady problems? Like he cared at all?

"Can you believe that Loki? She acts like I'm the one who's wrong!" Barton was yelling now.

"I told you the chick was nuts." Was Loki's response. "I was done with her once she told me I was a mommy's boy in need of a daddy. I still can't quite figure that out."

"But I'm right, right?" Barton pressed. "I had every right to complain about that outfit she had on."

Tony lifted up his mask. "I don't know what hawks do but human males don't tell their women what to wear and expect to keep their testicles."

"You know if I could do it again," Loki said. "I would turn Natasha into my minion. You'd all be dead."

The three guys looked at each other before Tony nodded. "Yeah that's probably true."

"LLLLOOOOOKKKIIIIII!"

Loki jumped up from his seat and started downstairs at the sound of Doom screaming his name.

"GET YOUR PASTY BUTT DOWN HERE!"

"Doom what is your problem?" Loki asked as he reached the bottom if the stairs.

"What is your problem you idiot! You're leaving Darcy?"

Loki frowned. "What?"

"And you're going to Asgard? What's wrong with Earth? Didn't you want to rule it at one point?"

"I still want to rule it." Loki responded. "But I still have no idea what you are talking about."

"You're leaving!" That was Jane and he didn't even know where she came from. "Who's going to give me a break from Thor?"

"I…"

"Wait, who's going to help me with Natasha?" Barton yelled.

"I don't even think I'm helping anything…"

"If you leave who's going to heal Pepper when she's sick and help me magic proof my suits?"

"Doctors? And Doom has magic…"

"OOOOhhhhhhh, now you remember you have a friend named Doom huh? You weren't thinking about me when you decided to go to Asgard!"

"What is wrong with you Doom! I never said…"

"Who's going to help control my temper?" Where in the world did Bruce come from? Why was everyone yelling at him?

"I…"

"And let me tell you something you hard headed little alien, I'm the best friend you are ever going to have and there is not one female in however many realms you claim there is that's going to treat you better than Darcy! She is the best thing you've ever got and you're going leave her for your own stupid ego? And you just wait until I tell Magneto and King Pin! And you better believe I will! We will blow up Asgard before we let you go back there where they treated you like crap. You know King Pin is relying on you to help him lose weight this summer! Are you just going to leave him to get diabetes? And Magneto is on his 'Mutants Must Rise Up' BS that he gets stuck on every time Professor X beats him at chess. And another thing…"

Loki had had enough. "SHUT UP!" Loki screamed. "Who told you I'm going to Asgard?"

"Darcy called me in tears Loki. TEARS! And if you think I'm going to let you do something so stupid you're got another thing coming!" Doom said pointing a long metal finger at Loki.

Loki looked around, everyone had arms crossed and sour faces and he couldn't for the life of him understand where Darcy would get such an idea.

As if on cue Darcy came in carrying bags of food. Everyone turned to her.

Darcy looked around. She could feel the tension in the air. "What's up?"

Loki stepped forward taking the bags in his hand and setting them on the floor. "You and I have to talk." He took her arm walked her outside.

Doom looked at their retreated forms. "DARN RIGHT YOU DO!" He looked back at the other occupants of tower. "Did you guys order lunch yet?"


	13. Chapter 13

"You called Doom on me?" Loki asked her, voice calm but irate. "Why would you call Doom on me?"

"It was on you!" Darcy explained. "I called him about something else and he heard that I was sad."

"If you were sad you should have come to me!" Loki told her. "Especially if it was me causing the sadness."

"I tried!" She screamed. "Every time I bring up you being blue you deflect."

"What does me being blue have to do with me leaving? You realize no one else on Asgard is blue right?"

"But Asgard is your home."

Loki scoffed. "Since when?"

"…Since…" Hmmmm, how did she put this delicately? "Odin stole you?"

Loki took a breath realizing that she might have some legitimate reasons for thinking he was leaving. "Darcy, have I ever said I was leaving?"

"No. But you won't have sex with me!"

Confusion knit Loki's dark brows. "Is that what this is about? Haven't you taken notice? I'm blue!"

She threw his arms up. "What does that have to do with anything? You were all over me before Lokisleep."

"See the thing with that is, I kind of forgot I was blue and then one day I turned blue and I remembered… I'm blue!" And then he smiled as if that explained everything.

Darcy couldn't help but look at Loki like his was insane. What kind of stupid logic was that? "Loki I don't care you're blue."

This is it. I have no more plot. I might make a series out of it if I think of something else! Thanks for reading!

Loki opened his mouth to retort but he really didn't have anything to say. Being blue bothered him so much that he assumed everyone was bothered by it. "Oh. I guess I should have told just asked huh?"

"Yeah. I guess I should have just asked if you were going back." She admitted. It seemed all of their problems were due to a simple lack of communication.

Loki slowly moved closer and pulled her into his arms. "I have no intentions of leaving. Not on any permanent bases. I mean, now that Thanos is dead there is this dwarf that put a spell on me a while ago that made me tell the truth. I really should go back and kill him."

She pulled out of his embrace and looked him firmly in the eyes. "Dude, you can't go kill a dwarf."

"Oh… Well then I don't even plan to leave temporarily either."

She smiled at her homicidal boyfriend and tiptoed to kiss his lip. It was a chaste but loving kiss. "Soooo….. we gonna have sex tonight?"

Loki shrugged. "Yeah sure why not?"

She snorted. "You are not even a little romantic."

Then Loki snorted. "Like you were being romantic? It's not like you bought me flowers or anything before you propositioned me for sex."

She looked at him skeptically. "You want flowers?"

"No. What would I do with them? What do females do with them?"

"Put them in a vase and look at them." She informed.

"That's silly. They cost far too much money and die too quickly. Plants are better."

Again came the skeptic gaze. "You want me to buy you a plant?"

Loki thought about it. "Well, yes."

"Yeah…. I'll get on that…."

"Come… Doom I need to have a talk as well."

Darcy allowed herself to be pulled back into the house behind Loki. He entered the kitchen where Doom and Tony arguing about food. Somehow Thor had arrived; Loki and Darcy didn't know how they missed him coming in but then they really were only focused on each other.

Thor looked at his brother, head cocked to one side. "Brother. Why are you going back to Asgard? No one likes you there."

Loki's eyebrows moved closer together a look of offense evident in the thin lines of his lips. Very slowly he lifted his arm and then shot an energy blast at Thor who went flying into the nearest wall.

Odin, who was sitting on the chair next to the door rolled up a menu and hit Loki over the shoulder with it. "What did I tell you? Killing Thor isn't the answer to everything!"

Loki held his shoulder as if it hurt. "Oh, but Thor can just say truth to me and that's ok?"

Even Tony had to tilt his head in confusion.

"Um, yeah Meanie Beanie, people can say truth on Earth."

"Stupid planet. Ok, take a note. I will have to work on not killing Thor."

"Yeah… don't think I'll have to write that one down."

"In mean time. Doom, come I would like a word with you."

As Doom and Loki walked out Tony turned his attention Darcy. "So, he isn't leaving is he?"

She turned around. "Nope."

"Hey where are you going? It's lunch time."

"I gotta by a plant." Who had time for lunch when she had an alien to woo?

000

"Ok, first of all, I appreciate you listening to Darcy and take up her defense," Loki started once they got to his lair. "But I wish you would have told her to come to me."

"Go to you!" Doom snorted. "Loki she was in no condition to talk to you. You aren't always very sensitive."

"What!" He was offended. "I'm always sensitive! Name a time I wasn't!"

"When Amora broke up with her boyfriend you told her it was because she got fat."

"In my defense she kept calling me Skeletor."

Ok maybe she deserved that one. "Then there was the twenty minutes of laughter when Magneto tripped over his cape."

"Hey, I lost mine for a reason! I told him that they become uncontrollable especially when angry."

It was funny but admitting that wouldn't prove his point. "The point is, you are not Mr. Sensitivity."

"Alright... well…" Loki lost his argument but he wouldn't concede. "You still shouldn't have come over screaming nonsense."

"It wasn't nonsense. It was perfect English and it was perfectly justified. What am I going to do if you leave?"

"What where you doing before I came to Midgard?"

"Messing with Fantastic Four. They aren't as fun as the Avengers. They don't let me come for lunch."

"They sure don't. Security is real tight in the Fantastic Four Towers." Loki had tried to go over there for lunch but he couldn't get passed the first floor. Honestly he wasn't that interested in getting in, he just liked to hear to alarm bells ring whenever he entered the lobby.

"Tell me about it. So you aren't leaving?" Doom wanted to make sure.

"No." Loki confirmed.

"And everything is good with Darcy?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I like her."

"I like her too I plan on keeping her."

"Well… then… all is well in the Avengers Towers." Doom nodded. "I'm going to go snag some lunch before I leave."

Loki shook his head and took a deep breath. What an emotional day. Between Odin's heart to heart, Doom's temper tantrum and the miscommunication with Darcy Loki was emotionally dry. He was in need of distraction and what better distraction was there than to mess with Banner.

Loki left his lair intent of finding Bruce and letting off some steam until he Hulked out. Before he managed to get safely to the kitchen, someone grabbed him from behind with a hand over his mouth he was roughly dragged into another room and thrown into a large freezer.

It took Loki a moment to even register that he was now locked in with meat and ice cream. It wasn't until he heard Banner's voice that he realized what was happening. "Are you blue yet?"

Freaking scientists.

He teleported behind him and his brother who was holding the door closed. What a traitor. He supposed it was his fault for blasting him with an energy ball.

It took Banner a moment before he realized Loki was sitting on a chair behind him. "We didn't think this through."

Thor turned to see his brother behind. Loki noted that look in his brother's eye. That was the look he always had whenever they would spar together.

Loki jumped out the chair and ran with Thor and Bruce hot on his tail. He saw Tony in the living room ad quickly ran to hid behind him.

"What's going on?" Tony questioned. "Why are you chasing Loki?"

"I want to see him turn blue." Bruce answered. "I have a curiosity."

"Come on guys, that isn't right."

"Yeah!" Loki yelled out.

"Tony, are you seriously telling me you aren't curious to see what makes this alien tick? I mean, he can do some amazing things. Perhaps if we study him, we can solve some of life's greatest mysteries."

Tony was still and quiet for a moment before turning slowly to Loki, who quickly realized that he was in trouble.

With a flick on the wrist, Tony summoned his suit and Loki ran as fast as could out of the room.

"Come now Loki!" Iron Man yelled. "You've turned Bruce green more times than we can count. It's only fair that we turn you blue."

Loki wasn't hearing any of it.

Tony used his lasers to try to slow Loki down but Loki was fast. They would need to use him for practice because Loki was one agile creature.

The blasts alerted SHIELD headquarters and Fury himself soon appeared watching three of his avengers chase around Loki who didn't look the least bit worried. He was laughing. He was having fun! This was not how they were supposed to be using the Avenger Towers.

Loki saw Fury and ran behind him.

Fury looked sternly as the three Avengers. "Someone want to tell me what is going on here?"

"We want to study Loki." Bruce told him.

"Why? Study Thor."

"Fury Loki turns blue." Tony explained. "Thor doesn't turn blue."

Fury arched a brow. "You turn blue!"

Loki refused to answer that.

"We do have funds to study alien life forms…"

Loki's eyes widened. Crap!

Now Fury was hot on his tail too. Missiles, lasers and a hammer were now being thrown at him as he dodged and ran for cover. Loki turned the corner to see Darcy coming through the door with a large plant.

He stopped running and threw up his hand creating a barrier between them and him. "Time out!" Loki called. But Fury was running too fast to slow down in time and he bumped head first into the force field knocking him on his butt.

"What's this?" Loki questioned.

"It's a plant." She handed it to him.

Loki too the plant and regarded it with interest. It was green with little thorns sticking up from all sides of it. He touched it but it pricked his finger. He hissed and looked at his finger. A small drop of blood came to the surface. "It's violent."

"It's a cactus." She told him.

A dark brow rose, his lips curled. "Well I'm turned on." He grabbed Darcy by the arm while looking back at the four men waiting behind the force field. "I don't want to play anymore."

The force field evaporated and the four men looked at each other. Thor shrugged and retrieved his hammer. "It's been fun. I must tend to Jane."

Fury dusted his ruffled clothes. "I don't even know why I come here anymore."

Bruce and Tony watch him leave and then looked at each other. Bruce smiled. "You want to go study Doom?"

Tony smiled. "Heck yeah!"


End file.
